1. Twelve seconds. It took 12 seconds for me to realize that I wouldn’t ever hear the rest of Mya’s new song, “Take Him Out.”
2. Five seconds. It took me five seconds to realize I’d watch the rest of the video with no interruption.
3. $24. That’s how much money I have in my bank account and it’s exactly how much I’d pay the guy that invented the mute button. Now, I can watch Mya’s ever-growing thighs shimmy and shake on the back of garbage trucks while not hearing her horrible attempt to pon the music.
4. Four. The maximum amount of points I’m going to make about this video before going back to watch again, muted with Kenny G playing lightly in the background instead. And maybe a few candles lit for ambiance.