In this third installment of our “50-Year Old Women More F*ckworthy Than Madonna” series, we take a look at another pack of cougars who are, well, more f*ckworthy than Madonna. Just so there’s no misunderstanding, we would smash Madge because what she lacks in looks she more than makes up for in riches. Plus it’s freaking Madonna! We’d bang off GP alone! But unlike the entertainer, we wouldn’t need to be in pitch black darkness to screw these nifty 50s.
1. Vanessa Williams, 50
Technically, Vanessa doesn’t officially hit 50 until March, but who cares? Ms. Williams has had the right stuff since the ’80s, when she was temporarily crowned Miss America in 1984. And with a possible freak for a daughter, we’re thinking threesome!
2. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 52
Who remembers wanting to bang Elaine during the Seinfeld years? And 20 some odd years later, the lust still remains! Plus knowing that she’s worth a billion or two is even better. Right, Jay Electronica?
3. Heather Locklear, 51
How hot was Heather Locklear on Melrose Place? Yea, she was a bit of a cunt but that only fueled our passion for that ruthless bitch because it meant she was probably a fantastic lay. Today, Heather still looks like a good and fun fuck.
4. Khandi Alexander, 55
We could only hope Khandi is as big of a freak as her character was on CB4. Thank you based god she didnt end up looking like her character from The Corner.
5. Demi Moore, 50
Welcome, Demi!. We’ve been waiting for you since Striptease!
6. Bern Nadette Stanis, 59
Yes, Thelma. For those who were around during the years Good Times aired, you know! For those who were still swimming in their father’s nuts, please catch a re-run and get familiar! Thelma was one of, if not, THE baddest chick on the tube. And even for someone pushing 60, she still looks good! We’re definitely going in for some retroactive releasing!
Bonus: Shaun Robinson, 50
By a show of hands, who else didn’t know Shaun Robinson was 50? This woman has been on our TV for years and hasn’t aged a bit. Vampire? Because if she’s anything like them True Blood vamps then….