Florida Plagued By Herpes Infected Monkeys

By: 09.16.13  •  19 Comments

Rhesus monkey

Everybody loves monkeys. They’re hilarious, especially when they wear hats and smoke cigarettes. The only thing that could really change the public’s opinion on monkeys would have to be their ability to carry and spread herpes. But that would never happen.

Wait, what’s that, New York Post? Herpes-carrying monkeys are roaming Florida as we speak? This is awkward. Apparently, the species, the Rhesus monkey, came to Florida in the early 1900s, and quickly escaped captivity. They know how to swim, and want to give you an embarrassing STD.

Leave it to the Sunshine State to f*ck up my playful perception of simians. Take it away, Bugs.

florida cut away

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