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10 People In Sports Who Need To Be Punched In The Face

By / 10.15.13
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The sports world is full of over-confident, juiced up, overpaid, coddled jerks. Infractions are met with wrist slaps, and not much else. While we are a non-violent bunch here at TSS, sometimes the only way to get your point across is with a fist. These human speed bags of sport deserve black eyes on their faces for the black eyes they’ve added to their respective games.

Previously: 10 People Who Need To be Punched In The Face

1. Mark Emmert

As president of the NCAA, Mark Emmert has continued to espouse the tired notion that scholarships are fair compensation for the players who line the pockets of schools, administrators, and coaches with billions of dollars. He deserves a knuckle sandwich for that alone. If you also consider his checkered past, his hypocrisy, and his overall smarmy attitude, you can’t help wanting to let a haymaker fly.

2. Dan Snyder

Longtime fan buys team with racist name. As a new owner, longtime fan does everything he possibly could to run aforementioned team into the ground. When questioned about the unquestionably racist name of the racist team, he digs in his heels and vows to never change it. He also lets his representative be kind of a dick when responding to the President of the United States.

3. Riley Cooper

Sometime back in June this Philadelphia Eagles receiver was caught on video, hillbilly fresh in his cut off flannel and presumably drunk, stating that he would “fight every nigger here.” The “here” to which Cooper was referring was a Kenny Chesney concert, which is kind of like threatening to fight every sober person at Mardi Gras.

4. Roger Goodell

61% of players don’t approve of the job he’s done so far, and for good reason. Last year, his failure to negotiate with the league’s referees led to one of the biggest travesties in sports history. And lets not forget his questionable handling of the bounty scandal and general dictatorial approach to running the league. He’s a prime candidate for five across the eyes.

5. Alex Rodriguez

He used PEDs, got caught, and has since been an insufferable dick about it. Aren’t you just sick of his stupid face?

6. Lane Kiffin

Has a coach ever gotten more high profile jobs without ever winning jack shit? You may not get the chance to take a swing at this smug S.O.B., but USC’s athletic director gave him a punch to the gut by firing him after his team gave up 62 points in a loss to Arizona State a few weeks ago. They didn’t even let him ride back home on the team’s bus.

7. Greg Schiano

The fake tough guy is going the way of the dinosaur in the coaching ranks. Schiano has taken his my-way-or-the-highway routine to the pros with little success, as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have a 7-13 record with him at the helm. They also haven’t won a game this year. More punchworthy, however, is how former quarterback Josh Freeman was thrown under the bus in an apparent attempt to sully his name.

8. Michael Beasley

Since he enjoys punching himself so much, why not give him a hand? Plus he has a tattoo on his back that says Supercool Beas.

9. Colin Cowherd

Colin Cowherd is a disingenuous troll that represents everything wrong about what passes for commentary in the sports media these days. When every single word out of your mouth is something to rile up one faction or another, it’s time to close it with a fist.

10. Jason Whitlock

Whitlock spends his days ginning up controversy, and blaming hip-hop for everything bad about sports, and then gets his custom-made, black linen, crepe-weave shorts in a bunch when he doesn’t get the Pullitzer Prize he thinks he deserves.

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