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Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food” Is The New Rebecca Black “Friday” But Even Worse

By 10.14.13

alison gold chinese food

Either Jimmy Kimmel’s up to his old tricks, we’re being musically Catfish‘ed or something. Nothing explains why bleach-blonde teen Alison Gold grabbed a Chinese restaurant menu then started singing about the different dishes she loves.

I’m not even sure what the chow mein reference with simultaneous shoulder brush move at 1:15 means. Or the fact that her “new friend” is a grown ass man in a panda suit, the same grown ass man, Patrice Wilson, that was behind Black’s “Friday” at that. What I do know is he shouldn’t be laying in a meadow playing tickles with a teenage white girl. Or hanging out in her bedroom with her underage friends. Oh, then he pulls off the panda lid to rap his verses while fake squinting his eyes and using a slight accent?


I’m outdone. Gold and Wilson just made Dan Snyder and Roger Goodell seem like honorary Native Americans.

The song’s on iTunes but Gold’s Twitter profile is bare. Go figure. If I wake up in the morning and she’s skyrocketed to 60k followers, I may give up and become a city bus driver.


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