The pajamas, the action figures, the blimp, the van, the VHS tapes, the video games, the Halloween costumes, the bookbag, the backpack, the lunchbox. You name it and at some point I had everything ever associated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Had my mama allowed it, “Cowabunga” being tatted on my stomach would’ve been my Christmas present to myself in 1992.
A few days ago, I stumbled upon the Turtles’ second motion picture, The Secret of the Ooze. What instantly transpired was a spectacular voyage down memory lane to 1991 when life was only as complicated as Chicago Bulls games on WGN, professional wrestling, my own association basketball games on Saturday mornings and the Turtles themselves. Somewhere in my mom and grandma’s attic, this classic sequel nestles comfortably on VHS and if I’m not mistaken served as my first real memory of who the hell Vanilla Ice was. And to keep it 100, I can honestly say my love of pizza developed thanks to Leonardo (Leo), Donatello (Donnie), Michelangelo (Mikey) and Raphael (Raph).
To hell with anyone with balls to say this movie sucked (or the first one or the animated series for that matter). TMNT2 convinced millions of kids nationwide anything was possible in life, including seeing six-foot turtles built like Karl Malone – led by their OG, a big ass rat named Splinter who was cool as a fan, too – as the world’s greatest superheroes.
Nearly 23 years later, let your guard down for a moment and feel like a kid again by clicking play. You’ll be reminded the Foot Clan were the worst fighters ever and the Washington Generals to the Turtles’ Globetrotters. And don’t fight the urge to fist pump when “Ninja Rap” comes on because it’s impossible not to. On a slightly related note, however, I can’t be the only one thinking that getting high and eating pizza with Michelangelo wouldn’t be the funniest two hours in life. I just can’t be.
Bonus: What the hell, we’re all here. Why not watch TMNT1 and really throw ourselves into ’90s overload!