25 Women That Should Have Cracked Maxim’s “Hot 100”

05.29.12 6 years ago 36 Comments

Last week, Maxim magazine released their annual “Hot 100” list featuring some of the hottest celebrity women (and one man?) on the planet. What made this issue different was that this was the first time they left it up to their readers (see: frat bros) to decide who should make the prestigious list. While skimming through the names, we here at TSS noticed some shocking omissions and equally shocking additions. So we decided to lend a hand and add in some names that we felt should’ve taken the spot of Kristen Stewart, or at least Miley Cyrus.

1. Kerry Washington

How Kerry Washington didn’t make the list is beyond us. Surely they could’ve removed, oh we don’t know, a f*cking cartoon to make way for Ms. Washington but whatever. Kerry’s sexy and we know it!

2. Beyonce

Beyonce is usually on the list for sh*t like this, with her most recent accolade being named the most beautiful woman in the world according to People Mag. So why she wouldn’t be on Maxim’s list is anyone’s guess. Technically, she’s a MILF now and when you factor that in she’s 2.5 times more sexier than she was a year ago, it’s a no brainer.

3. Rashida Jones

Dammit! Rashida should’ve made the list! Parks & Recreation is a fantastic show but it’s our belief that Rashida is the SOLE reason why the show has yet to be cancelled.

4 & 5. Kim Kardshasian & Amber Rose

Look, regardless of the fact that these two slutbags are everywhere like ATM machines (no pun!) is besides the point. Fact is Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose are some bad bitches and you’re a damn lie if you say you wouldn’t slap your mama for a session with either of these two.

6. January Jones

It’s my belief that January Jones is as cunty in real life as her character, Betty Draper-Francis, is on Mad Men. We do not like this woman. But bias aside, she’s like that hot chick that you hate but would still angrily screw anyway.

7. Alison Brie

Internet darling Alison Brie who also stars in Mad Men as Trudy Campbell and on Community as Annie Edison didn’t make the cut. Apparently there are people in this world who feel as though Amanda Knox > Alison Brie. These people are wrong.

8. Meagan Good

Despite starring in this year’s breakout comedy hit Think Like A Man and thus being relevant enough to be included, Meagan “Mmm” Good was another shocking omission. We could go on and on about Meagan’s hotness but she’s been hot for 10 years strong with no signs of slowing down.

9. Zoe Kravitz

Here’s the thing with actress & rocker Zoe Kravitz: She’s dirty. You look at this chick and you pretty much have no doubt in your mind that she doesn’t shower on the regular. But we don’t care because on the sexy scale, Zoe picks up right where her mom Lisa Bonet left off.

10. Gabrielle Union

39-year-old beauty Gabrielle Union made the list last year but not this year. She still gives young whippersnappers a run for their money so she should’ve made the cut this year and the next and the next and the next…

11. Christina Milian

Shame on a n*gga who thinks Christina Milian is washed up! The-Dream’s BM, and probably soon to be Wayne’s BM recently got signed to YMCMB and is a “social media corespondent” (whatever the f*ck that is) on NBC’s The Voice. Just like Meagan Good, Christina’s been hot for at least a decade if not more.

12. Arlenis Sosa

Okay so you’re probably wondering “who?” but don’t sleep on her. 23-year-old Dominican supermodel Arlenis Sosa is hotter than her homeland in July.

13. Paula Patton

No, Paula DID NOT make the list. Shocking, right?! We were certain Alicia’s twin made it seeing how she’s “safe” enough for mainstream media, but alas Paula didn’t make the cut. I guess they couldn’t have both Zoe Saldana AND Paula on there. Kinda like how both Sofia Vergara and Salma Hayek couldn’t make the list. And if you’re wondering, Sofia won.

14. Monica Raymund

If you were one of the few who watched FOX’s Lie To Me, then you definitely remember feisty character Ria Tores who was played by Monica Raymund. She was a bit dyke-ish on the show but her sexiness still radiated through. You can check her out in the new NBC series, Chicago Fire, which premieres in Fall 2012.

15. Tika Sumpter

We’d like to thank Esquire magazine for bringing Tika’s hottness to our attention cause we damn sure weren’t going to watch Gossip Girl to find out about her.

16. Cassie

Sure Diddy’s f*ck-piece has no discernible talent but she’s still hotter than fish grease and rightfully deserved to make the cut.

17. Annalyne McCord

Those eyes though.

18. Gugu Mbatha-Raw

Gugu Mbatha-Raw was first brought to our attention by way of NBC’s now cancelled show, Undercovers. The 28 year old Brit is just downright hands down BEAUTIFUL. Makes you wonder where she’s been hiding all this time. Catch her on FOX’s show Touch.

19. Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger’s name missing was also a shocker. Good thing I didn’t bet on it.

20. Damaris Lewis

Damaris is another model who didn’t make the cut (though her good friend Kate Upton did). The 21-year-old beauty is a regular fixture in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition.

21. Denise Vasi

We’re pretty sure if you Google “exotic,” actress/model Denise Vasi’s name would pop up immediately. After fellow exotic beauty Stacy Dash was given the boot on VH1’s Single Ladies, the powers that be replaced her with Denise. The show returns this Monday and we won’t be watching for the storylines either.

22. Dianna Agron

Someone at Maxim is just hellbent on making us believe that Lea Michele is the baddest out of all the Glee chicks. This is the second year in a row that Lea Michele has made the list and Dianna Agron, who plays Quinn Fabray, has not. We want a recount and receipts!

23. Kelly Rowland

Kelly Rowland has been solo since 2005. You’d think she’d be recognized more often for her hotness but that hasn’t been the case, despite upping her sexiness threefold over the years.

24. Jordin Sparks

Hey Maxim, why you no like Jordin Sparks?!?

25. Your Girlfriend

Because we know she sh*ts on all these other celebrity chicks.”

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