Kill Us Now: 5 Examples Of Glee Butchering Urban Music

It’s quite a feat to be known simultaneously as groundbreaking yet horrible. But to be mind-numbingly atrocious at two separate activities while making a boatload of money on both has to be impossible, right? Glee scoffs at your faith in humanity.

For those that don’t know, Glee is the television show where 30-something year-old mediocre actors, mid-level wedding singers and clumsy dancers play a subpar high school glee club whose sole purpose is to turn every song you’ve ever loved into the audio equivalent of an anal fissure.

Each episode features a cover of a popular song. And each cover is a poor, half-retarded man’s version of the original. That’s offensive enough, but when the cast takes on Urban music, their offenses become more serious. When anything remotely “hip” is covered, the cast goes into this caricature of what they think a Black person should act and look, complete with baggy, clown-like clothes, a scowl or “I’m cool and Black” look on their faces and a pseudo-slang tone of voice that sounds like, well, 30-something White people from the Midwest trying to sound like they’re imitating Black people. Face it. Glee is a 2010 version of Blackface without the paint.

Or maybe the music just sucks.

Here are five examples of the show embarrassing itself while urban music plays in the background.

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1. “Ride With Me” — Let’s see here: we have these kids rapping about “thicky thicky thick” girls, gold teeth and the one cheerleader’s apparent ear infection. Nelly somehow sounds better in comparison to these Satan worshippers. I believe this exact scene was spelled out in Revelations somewhere.

2. “Bust A Move” – Let’s take a moment to discuss the teacher on Glee. The main guy is maybe half a notch below Ryan Seacrest in the Douchemeter, and is the main transgressor when it comes to the awful scenes on this show. Here, he breakdances. Yay! He also gets kind of close with the cheerleaders. Basically, if this were the real world, he’d be the teacher that banged all the high school girls until one of the kids’ fathers found out and blew his brains out. If Glee needs help with writing that episode, I have a rough draft in my Trapper Keeper.

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