7 Stars We’d Shamefully Make Love To

01.10.13 5 years ago 103 Comments

A whole lot of us would boink highly boinkable stars like Kerry Washington, Kim Kardashian and every other star that fits under the “eight, nine, dime” category in a split second. No question. But what about the low hanging fruits you’d only pick in the dark, when nobody’s watching? The ones you’d be too ashamed to admit to smashing? The ones you dog in public but lust after in private?

Grace Jones

Remember the scene from Boomerang where Grace Jones (playing the character Strange’), with her leg cocked up and exposing her privates to Eddie Murphy, proclaims that she “doesn’t know any man who can turn down this p*ssy?” Yup, as scary as the 5’9 avant-garde singer/actress/Andy Warhol muse was, there was no doubt that she was a stone cold freak back then. And even at 64, on a cold, lonely, drunken night, we’re pulling up to her bumper!

Tara Reid

Seems like Tara Reid peaked during the first American Pie. Now this drunken, drugged out 37-year-old has the melting and wrinkling body of a GIWF (Grandmother I Wouldn’t Fuck). But given the opportunity, we’d make sweet, tender love to Tara, which, at this point, would probably be the equivalent of spinning clay on a pottery wheel.

Sarah Palin

We shouldn’t be attracted to this dumb nut but we are so it’s only right we’d want to bang some sense into her.

Wendy Williams

Look, everyone hates media personality Wendy Williams and yea, in a certain light, she can pass for a Wendell Williams. But we know she was born female because she gave birth. So with that being said, with a couple of strong shots in our system and knowledge that she occasionally takes it up the poop-chute, we’re taking that 6’0″ Amazon and her tig ol’ bitties down!

Karrine “Superhead” Steffans

We would have to wrap our d*cks up with so much latex, we probably wouldn’t be able to feel anything, not that we would anyway if we didn’t. With a laundry list of men who’ve been inside Club K, the old “hot dog down a hallway” analogy applies. But ironically, it’s the same list that has piqued our interest. A million and one men can’t all be wrong, right?

Khloe Kardashian

Being Kim and Kourtney Kardashian’s sister has made Khole the relatively ugly sister out bunch. Which can only mean Beefy has self esteem issues, which, theoretically speaking, explains why she’s the toe-sucking-sex-swing-using sister.


Singer Fantasia is the the not-too-bright sloppy hoodrat in every neighborhood. You know this girl. You have her number saved under “Last Resort” because when it’s late and you’re in the mood for poon and have exhausted all other options, she’s the DSL-having chick you call up, screw, and kick out of your home before the sun comes up.

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