We were really hoping this list didn’t become an annual ordeal. When the original “9 Rappers Desperately In Need Of A Name Change” went live, our goal was to let these oblivious artists in on the elephant in the room. A year later, nobody listened and now – coincidentally – their names are not only bad, they’re nowhere to be found.
Regardless, as more and more wannabe MCs emerge from the woodwork by the second, the pool of available rap names dries up like the polar ice caps. The result leaves talented artists unmarketable and bad ones looking like buffoons. However, with money to made and swag to be surfed, this new wave of young entrepreneurs with ProTools aspirations and Fruity Loops dreams push on regardless.
Originality, we miss you.
Kidd Kidd – The odd thing is not how this relatively unknown MC from Baton Rouge, LA got collabos with Curtis and Lil’ Weezy. No, the real question is how their management allowed them to link up with a rapper whose name has a permanent stutter. Basically, unless you’re Jason Kidd’s son, this moniker is unacceptable.
Better Choice: Grown Up (singular)
Magazeen – When I heard Rick Ross signed an international MC named after a form of print, it reminded me of the scene in Anchorman where Steve Carell’s character blankly searches around the room, tossing out random gems like “I love lamp.” Now, plug in Roazay asking his weed carrier what he rap name was and picture Mag zoning in on the coffee table.
Better Choice: Bookz
Street Wiz – This one could end up bad. Unless Curren$y’s homeboy and fellow Fly Society member Street Wiz gives his name some reevaluation soon, he could see all of his hard work absorbed by simply having so many similarities to Mr. Black & Yellow. At this rate, it’s almost inevitable.
Better Choice: Fleetwood Coupe DeVille
Head I.C.E. – Remember back in the day at school, when that crazy old lady with the hair net caressed your head in search of little critters that supposedly burrowed in your scalp? Well, apparently so does Harlem rapper Head I.C.E., whose name is clearly derived from the creepy crawlers, at least subconsciously. Hopefully his name is an acronym for ‘I Clean Everyday.’
Better Choice: Brain Freeze
G-Mane – From the work we’ve heard him do with DJ Burn One and G-Side, we haven’t got too many negatives to say about the man’s music. That being said, if he wants his well-balanced catalogue to stand a chance, this ‘Bama-based brother should really consider something a little less similar to that designer-named lunatic with the Ice-Cream-face-job over in the Atlanta Zoo.
Better Choice: Germaine
Swagg Team Mafia – Upon being inked to Young Joc’s Swagg Team Entertainment, To Green, Doe Shun, Dunte, Cheeze, Tuck & Jon Boi (that’s a whole post in itself, I know) decided they needed a name for their group to separate themselves from the crowd. Something unique. Since the extra “g” was already included in “Swagg,” adding “Mafia” to their label’s name was the obvious runner-up.
Better Choice: Swagasaurus Checks
Tity Boi – How this Playaz Circle member didn’t make last year’s list remains to be known. However, what’s even stranger is that this duffle bag boy has legitimate hits under his belt, despite having one of the most extremely side-eye-inducing ASCAP registries known to man. Luckily for TB’s pockets, he’s in a group.
Better Choice: Kidd Kidd
Poopie Doo – You can’t make this up people. While not as notable as most of the other non-promotable MCs featured on this list, this extremely hype, Pontiac, MI battle-rapper chose a moniker that is one half cartoon character and another half potty humor. So…obviously, he needs a talking to. He’s like the younger kid with a mustache that resembles a rat’s taint. Sometimes, you just got to walk up, tap him on the shoulder and say, “Hey man, that’s gotta’ go.”
Better Choice: Felix The Crap