Another year in the books, save for one final night of celebrating the ball drop and calendar flip. We sincerely want to thank you all for the continued support this year and every year. Also, we want you back in one piece to join us on Monday morning. So before you go all Hangover and embarrass yourself, here are nine quick tips to help you survive what’s traditionally the year’s biggest party night.
1. If you drink, don’t drive. Call a cab. Find your car tomorrow instead of others finding you on a slab at the morgue.
2. If you’re not certain about its contents, politely decline the blunt.
3. NYE parties are like stocks: diversify. Don’t bank your whole night on one party or you’ll be stuck bored out of your mind.
4. If you must club, don’t pay $20+ to get into the party. That shitty club that was shitty last week is still shitty no matter how much they charge you to bring in the New Year.
5. Don’t blow your whole bankroll buying shots for friends and randomers. Rent’s due no later than the 5th, buddy.
6. Emotions are flowing. But you don’t love her. So don’t say you do. Just hum a Drake song to yourself instead. And please, deny the urge to drunk dial/text. Deny deny deny.
7. If she’s not your long-time girlfriend or better, do NOT kiss her in the mouth at midnight.
8. If she let’s you do the Lambada, use a condom. No need for any maybe-babies in September.
9. Ladies, if you let him score, don’t worry about the walk of shame. It’s New Year’s Day…and we guarantee somebody else did something much worse the night before.