A Depressed Fan Blogs The Cowboys’ Demise From A Harlem Applebee’s

01.02.12 6 years ago 25 Comments

Intro: Gotty™

Tinsley’s Holy Trinity consists of Cam’ron Giles, LeBron James and America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys. Seeking to pay homage to one of his deities, he ended up having his faith in one of the others tested. See, Tins decided to spend his NYE in Harlem* and wound up at local restaurant to watch the Cowboys-Giants game on Sunday night. The setting sounded so unique, we asked him to keep a running log of how rooting against the home team worked out for him.

8:23 – I’m lightweight upset because we didn’t go to the sports bar I was expecting. Applebees**? That’s not Harlem.

8:26 – F*ck it. Point me to the drinks.

8:31 – Reports of Romo’s hand being hurt worse than originally shared by the ‘Boys coaching staff are thrown around. Fine. The storyline will write out like a movie. “Romo’s Redemption: The Fall of New York.”

8:31 – I’m so glad they cut Roy Williams for games like this.

8:42 – Just don’t get beat deep. Also, I’m purposely being loud on every play to count the number of dirty looks. PUNT TEAM!!!! We’re at three if you’re interested.

8:49 – This drink is weak as shit. And it’s hot as hell in this damn bar. I’m actually upset at the lack of Giants support.

8:51 – I met a Cowboys fan. She just downed a Blue Moon in 20 seconds. I feel safe now.

8:52 – This f*ckin’ secondary is horrible. I need more liquor.

8:59 – Aaron Ball, a member of the secondary, can’t even fall on a fumble right. We’re doomed.

9:11 – Penalties are flying left and right like Flozell Adams was in the building.

9:12 – I’m starting to have a panic attack. This is looking like Philly in ’08. Jesus, be a touchdown on this next drive.

9:21 – These drinks are weak. The service here is horrible. The Cowboys are playing even weaker. NY fans now beginning to laugh at me. AND WHY THE FUCK CAN’T WE FALL ON FUMBLES!!

9:25 – God bless you, Lawrence Tynes. Here comes the comeback, ladies and gents.

9:33 – Romo just turned a “Top 10” highlight to a “Not Top 10.” Also, the Blue Moon Cowboys fan left.

9:41 – In the process to avoid any football talk with locals. Luckily, my vast Dipset knowledge has them in awe.

Image: KSK

9:45 – Damnit. Dallas has to pass the controller now. 21-0 nothing and the overwhelming feeling of disappointment is coming over me again.

9:45 – We’re a second half team anyway.

10:05 – These salted peanuts are really making me thirsty. Must get bartender’s attention for another Long Island.


10:23 – That new Tom Hanks movie doesn’t look half bad.

10:35 – For no reason at all, R. Kelly’s “Bump & Grind” comes on and then Romo throws a pick. The fix is on.

10:42 – Big fourth down stop. Romo to Dez. Here it comes. Count it.

10:47 – The tension with NY fans is heating up. I live for moments like this.

10:50 – Horrible spot.

10:56 – Sitting beside this cougar who’s also a Cowboys fan. If Romo wins, I win. This game is now more important than ever.

11:00 – IN ROMO WE TRUST!!!!

11:06 – Victor motherf**king Cruz. Why wasn’t he invited to the Pro Bowl again? We need two scores. The cougar is upset.

Image: KSK

11:15 – #Hurtswhenbreathe

11:17 – The Tins Championship Drought continues. Jordan’s last shot in Utah seems like a lifetime ago.

11:23 – I can’t seem ’em coming down my eyes, so I gotta make this post cry.

11:26 – My parting words to the people of Harlem, “Get The King A Ring.” Their response? “Son, that nigga is corny and so is your football team.”

11:33TC tweets, “Justin Tuck > @JustinTinsley.” I haven’t felt this low since, well, June. Fuck all yall. Happy New Year.

* – Tins does a yearly pilgrimage to 101 West 140th to pay his respects and, hopefully, one day run into to Killa.

** – Of all the authentic and exquisite food in NYC, Tins went to Applebee’s.

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