F*ck everything you thought you knew about online shopping. For the umpteenth time, Amazon is changing the game, in ways that sound like the imagination of a middle-schooler mixed with some alternative comedian’s take on the future of consumerism. Say it with me, everyone:
Amazon delivery drones.
Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos interviewed with Charlie Rose on Sunday’s 60 Minutes, revealing that the new service, called Amazon Prime Air, would be able to get customers their orders only a half-hour after they buy them. His “optimistic” estimate for seeing Prime Air available to consumers is within the next four to five years.
The video is pretty self-explanatory. In five years time, we can expect these cold, soulless bastards delivering small-to-medium sized parcels to Amazon Prime customers. And probably gathering intel for the worldwide distribution chain’s Skynet-type takeover while they’re at your doorstep. But who cares, as long as we getting the newest video games minutes after they release, right? And never leave the house? Sacrifices must be made, people!
Better start stocking up on tinfoil hats, friend. The less they know about us now, the better.