Chris Brown Just Won “Simp Of The Year”

10.05.12 5 years ago 55 Comments

Men have been beggin’ women for the affection of women since the beginning of time. Adam probably rolled over and asked Eve for another taste after he got the first dose. Lenny Williams repetitiously proclaimed his love for a woman. LL built a strong component of his career off one mushy song written while he sat alone in his room staring at the walls.

All the pining for p*ssy through songs is one level of the game. Chris is on a different plateau by choosing to make a video while “a little drunk” and rambling on about difficulties associated with loving two people, whose identities are not so ambiguous. Call it corny. Modern day slang would refer to this as “thirst.” But it would behoove us to go deeper.

If we’re traveling back and referencing history, Chris is straight simpin’ right now (here’s the definition for the unaware) and looking a damn fool as he plays between Rihanna and Karrueche Tran.

Five off-the-cuff reactions:

1. “Did this aggin really just make a video?” *Riley voice*

2. Chris Brown isn’t the first young cat to pull a move like this. But every young cat’s love move doesn’t make headlines.

3. Didn’t he sh*t on Rihanna on a song a couple of months ago?

4. As far as celebrity simpin goes, Chris’ video doesn’t rank alongside Brett Favre’s old ass trying to flash his peen to a young tender but Breezy’s obviously showing that his inability to make rational judgments will eventually lead him into Favre territory.

5. Rihanna’s cooch is most definitely laced with bath salts.

This is some real Sweet Valley High sh*t. Chris, come get your Simpin trophy and leave some space on the mantle. My guess is you’ll win next year’s award as well.

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