We’ll let 23-year-old David D. take the mic first:
This is really tragic. D’Angelo was king of world just a decade ago. He had a video that made women openly talk about masturbation and an album that is still considered a classic. Though it seems like yesterday to us, Voodoo must seem like a lifetime ago for D’Angelo. He went from being the object of every woman’s desire to trying to pay $40 for sex. Unfortunately, that woman was an undercover cop. Now, Mr. Archer is in big trouble. This is the worst publicity he’s gotten since, well, the last publicity he’s gotten. Hopefully, someone can get to the bottom of this and get the man back on track and in the studio.
Now, we’ll let the inner-14-year-old, obese David D. take over:
Ok, give me a second.
Let’s discuss this, because- hahahahahahahaahahaha!!!
Sorry, I’ve gotten it together. All of you! All of you girls walking around these halls, counting the minutes until you get home to catch Hits! From the Street to see D’Angelo’s new video- I can’t wait for you to see this. Keep on looking past me and my ample man-breasts. Keep swooning over his pecs and corn rows. Want to meet him so bad? Just wait ten years and he’ll be offering you a couple of Jacksons for a blowjay. By that time, I’ll be a blogger and Internet sex symbol. You don’t even know what a blogger is! Now excuse me while I go fantasize about baby girl from In The House. She’s a catch.
And of course he’s “innocent.”
“We know there is a lot of speculation in regard to the arrest of D’Angelo in New York City this past weekend. We would like his fans and the public at large to know that D’Angelo has pled not guilty — and is contesting the allegations made against him. Also know that he is in good health and extremely excited about his forthcoming new album. D’Angelo would like to personally thank all of his fans for the outpouring of concern, and appreciates if all would allow the American justice system to resolve the matter before jumping to any conclusions.” –Lindsay Guion of D’Angelo Management