Your National Championship Recap: Florida State Narrowly Defeats Auburn 34-31

01.07.14 4 years ago 25 Comments

The BCS era begins and ends with a couch.

Recently, I realized that the majority of the time I spent covering this past fall’s college football recaps included my talking about my couch. For anyone not covering the furniture beat for Consumer Reports, that’s odd. Actually, really odd–not even the most left-field writers use an expositional motif so mundanely weird. But I did–and will commence to do–because that’s where I’ve always found my ass for games like these.

The uninitiated might not know this, but tonight’s national championship game between Florida State and Auburn marks the end of the Bowl Championship Series, a post-season method of determining FBS’ college football champion that’s so f*cked that the only thing in the American zeitgeist that’s more mocked resides on Capitol Hill. The system concludes its bumbling reign of absurdity tonight, replaced next year by a four-team playoff.

The first BCS championship game I can remember watching involved the 1999 Seminoles and Michael Vick’s Virginia Tech Hokies. I watched it in my parents’ basement back when it wasn’t finished, so it essentially looked like the giant hangar at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” with a grody blue couch and an old all-in-one television-and-surround sound Sony TV console sitting in the center of the cement. I can’t remember much other than that (the Seminoles won, 46-29).

In 2003, I’d migrated to the living room couch–it was cream-colored and had a vaguely madras print all over it–to watch the Ohio State Buckeyes upset the vaunted Miami Hurricanes. While my parents were puking their guts out in a San Juan hotel room before a cruise, my grandfather and I went Buckeyes batsh*t, losing it over Maurice Clarett’s strip of Sean Taylor and Miami quarterback Ken Dorsey’s limp-d*ck incomplete pass that concluded the double-overtime game. Also, Willis McGahee’s knee–I stuffed my head in pillows during those replays. Couches burned off High St. in Columbus after that victory.

College, much of the same. A horseshoe of deflated, bong water-stained couches and love seats surrounded two 50-inch moniters, stacked on top of each other, where I bore witness to a pair of Alabama national championships and more SEC dominance.

So here’s the end, which involves this couch, a sleek black leather IKEA Sater, with the wicker ottoman propping up my Lunarsole-strapped Nikes. A real god d*am beauty. It’s the perfect tool to watch the game, an integral part of the process that accommodates every emotion experience when watching football. The pillows provide safe throwing objects for anger. Removable cushions to lay down upon for calm. Blankets in which to hide your face in disgust.

Sofa’s are the f*cking sh*t when it comes to college football. And this one will be synonymous with a Florida State win. Even if the Seminoles aren’t back–and obviously the BCS won’t–the couch (probably) will be.

Speaking of…

Quick Hits

— Auburn’s string of luck ran out tonight against Florida State, as the Tigers lost the national championship in the final minute, 34-31.

The Tigers controlled the first half, in which the game appeared to look like another lopsided blowout against an untested conference power. Auburn put up 21 easy points–and should have had more–as running back Tre Mason and quarterback Nick Marshall ran at will on the Seminoles defense when they weren’t cutting up their secondary. The Tigers also held the Seminoles to only 156 yards of total offense in the first half–way below Florida State’s average.

However, the Seminoles roared back in the second half. Jameis Winston–flustered by the Auburn defense in the first half–provided two passing touchdowns, while mercurial return man Levonte Whitfield took an 100-yard kickoff return for a touchdown. The second of Winston’s touchdowns was the game-winner to Kelvin Benjamin, coming thirteen seconds before time expired, and taking back the lead for good after Mason’s go-ahead score at the 1:19 mark.

This is the second national championship for the Seminoles in the BCS era. Their first came in the aforementioned 2000 championship game.


— Johnny Manziel was at the game and sort of invisible, but totally not since ESPN2’s coverage paired him with the right hand of our Lord, Tim Tebow. Apparently, their coverage wasn’t bad. It also provided us moments like the one above, where yin meets yang. God bless, God bless.

Also, per Guyism, Johnny Bad*ss might’ve hooked up with Lauren Hanley the night before. Rich Homie Manziel, respect his fresh, and Jesus will we miss him next year.

— Hip-Hop was really outchea in Pasadena.

First, there were Auburn’s play-calling cards that featured Jay Z under the name “Tom Ford.” Then, Brent Musberger dropped a De La Soul reference when Tre Mason, the son of De La Soul’s Vincent “Maseo” Mason, scored Auburn’s fourth touchdown with a little over a minute left in the fourth quarter.

Props to ol’ man Musberger, who embarrassingly flashed some senility before the game when he introduced himself as his fellow announcer Kirk Herbstreit.

— This had absolutely nothing to do with the game, but it was amazing nonetheless.

There’s this parody Bo Pelini Twitter account (Pelini being the fiery Nebraska head coach) called “Faux Pelini.” All year, the account’s been offering up some great gems on gameday that almost too accurately embodies the head coach. Check out this instance when the account interacted with Michigan State’s punter right before Christmas.

Tonight, the real Pelini decided to finally interact with the parody account, obliterating the Twitterverse for a solid ten minutes during the national championship game.


— Who’s hauling *ss faster?

Jimbo Fisher?

Jimbo Fisher Running


— So what does the Ol’ Ball Coach think of this year of college football?


Until August.

GIFs: SB Nation, @CJZero; Photos: Getty, @AlexYudelson, Instagram

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