What you just witnessed this afternoon was the most embarrassing performance by a soccer team composed of professional players in recent memory. The next-closest contenders–Manchester City’s waxings of rival United, United’s pasting of Arsenal in 2011–are in another galaxy of respectability.
Germany… Sh*t, is there even a verb that’s powerful enough to use here? Germany crushed, dismantled and liquified the Brazilian national team into Carajas iron ore by a score of 7-1 in Belo Horizonte, advancing to the World Cup final, and didn’t even look particularly dangerous doing it. The whole thing just looked so simple and easy to accomplish.
The Germans would’ve had a shut-out had it not been for a quick counterattack from the hosts in the game’s dying minutes, but here are some stats to put that scoreline into better perspective of just, like, “what the f*ck.”
— The Brazilians have only conceded seven goals twice. The last time? 1934 against the former Yugoslavia.
— Brazil’s last loss on home soil in a competitive game came almost 40 years ago, when Peru beat them 3-1 (also in Belo Horizonte) in a 1975 Copa Ámerica match.
— Five different Germans scored this afternoon; two (Sami Khedira and André Schurrle) tallied two goals; and Schurrle wasn’t even a starter for the match.
— The goal differential ties the record for worst loss in Brazilian history, matching Brazil’s 6-0 loss to Uruguay in 1920.
— Germany was up 5-0 over Brazil before the 30th minute, which is unbelievable… Until you realize it actually happened. Watch those goals below.
Again, no stat can really express the most ridiculous part of the game: how detached and apathetic the Brazilian players appeared at times. The Germans, especially in the first half, seemed to be able to run at goal at will, finding not only huge tracts of space in the final third but also ample time to build possession and hit shots. Oftentimes, there’d be only three–maybe four–Brazilian defenders in front of the ball, while the midfielders hardly made an effort to close any German attacks down. Brazil just seemed to… Not care.
Oscar eventually got the hosts a doggy-bag goal in injury time, but that’s about the highlight for A Selecao, with the exception of a few counters that brought some fine saves from German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer. It’s hard to imagine that Brazil are this reliant on Neymar, but the taste of this loss will be hard to shake for Brazilian and world soccer fans for some time to come.
Oh, and Brazil still has to play in the third-place game on Saturday, so perhaps they can slightly atone for their performance tonight. Germany’s into the final against the Netherlands-Argentina winner on Sunday at 3 p.m.