Dear Mr. Foxx

06.01.09 8 years ago 34 Comments

I would like to nominate you, Jamie, The Greatest Man in the World.

We’ve all seen her twins sunbathing in Swordfish (and our dreams). Although the list of men who’ve run up in that womb is relatively long, most of those folks do not qualify for this award because they did not bring forth for inspection the spoils. You, sir, did automatically qualifying you for this award.

How then did you beat all the other great men in the running?

Mr. Jamie Foxx, you did what only the wiser of them would’ve done.

You went straight for that ass. And you did it like you were digging in between the cushions of a couch looking for change while somehow also choking a serpentine dragon (like many kids shall do to these pictures).

That alone would make you mathematically superior to 99.99% of males, but you didn’t stop there.

By whatever sorcery you used, you got Halle-freaking-Berry to give you a handjob in public. For this you would rank somewhere between Jordan in the mid 90’s and Jesus Christ in his early 30’s. What sealed the deal and put you in that throne?

You did all the above while presenting an award for something else altogether.

I bow in your presence. You, sir, are my hero.

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