John Mayer has been making the rounds to promote his new album and the results have been bizarre so far. In Rolling Stone he mentioned his fascination with male genitalia in porn and went in to detail about his masturbatory practices. Naturally, Playboy took that ball and ran with it during their John Mayer interview. However, the most bizarre moments come from Mayer’s discussion of race relations and how that relates, of course, back to his nether regions.
PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
First of all, what? It’s hard to tell exactly what the hell John is talking about here. Somehow black people liking him is like having a “hood pass” which should be called an N-word pass? At this point, it would have been nice for the reporter to ask some follow-ups. Maybe John will take to Twitter to explain.
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
Yes, a black dude raised in the suburbs with a lot of money that could pass as white. And thanks for the definition of what black is. Langston Hughes couldn’t have said it better.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
Yes, John Mayer’s penis burns crosses and is the self-proclaimed spokesman for the “white authority.” Bet you didn’t know that. David Duke was also kind of a Nazi. I bet John’s David Duke Johnson is still able to perform for a nice, white Jewish girl. Score one for the Benetton heart.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.”
Tune in next week when he discusses the difference in the way white and black women chew their food and how he compares his penis to a young Benito Mussolini.