Toast The A**holes & Innocents: Kanye West & Taylor Swift Rule The VMAs

09.13.10 7 years ago 35 Comments

To be a person whose work hinges around music and pop culture, I’ve never been able to sit through award shows. In recovery, they tell addicts to avoid triggers and I think award shows may be a linchpin for me, spectacles that I just can’t sit through long enough without feeling like socking my TV set. Plus, there’s no way I could watch the VMAs, not with the first full day of NFL action still going on while the show as airing.

During one of the game’s commercial breaks, I did end up going downstairs, where my better half was watching the show. And there sat Taylor Swift on the TV screen, barefooted and fragile, warbling through a tune that I presumed was about Kanye. I only caught parts of the song, but the line referencing the age of 32 sent me off Googling “how old is Kanye West?” like the rest of America to certify that she was indeed talking about Kanye. Not just talking about him, but taking a swipe. I’ve decided that maybe she wasn’t, after seeing the correct lyrics this morning (“32 and still growing up now, Who you are is not what you did“).

Still, I think MTV cut a check to coerce Swift to create “Innocent” because the song sounds too fabricated – even for a pop country singer – to be sincere. Contrary to what Hip-Hoppers may or may believe, Taylor was already mega-famous before Kanye’s interruption and, living in Music City, I can confirm this. The news channels here feature her face a minimum of three times per week, showcasing her winning this, being honored there or for racking up millions of sales. She didn’t have to address last year’s situation because she was already riding that shit to the bank, picking up even more fans in the form of verbally abused women and trailer park denizens across middle America.

I don’t think it’ll catch on as well as “I’mma let you finish…,” but I’m still going to start viewing and referring to dimwitted assholes as “innocents.” It sounds more in tune with this positive outlook that I’m applying to my life. For example, Kat Stacks is still an innocent © Fresh. Montana Fishburne? Still an innocent. Souljah Boy, Sarah Palin and Mel Gibson are all innocents that the rest of us just have to accept for the mental deficiencies.

For Mr. West’s one shining moment, he debuted “Runaway,” a perhaps self-effacing tune about idiots, complete with the chorus “Let’s have a toast to the douchebags, Let’s have a toast to the a–holes.” Cool song but I’m hoping that public apology finished, Kanye moves on from this Rosewood thing. I’m all for men dressing like gentlemen but Kanye’s super red leisure suit and Pusha’s little salmon-colored number weren’t poppin’.

Aside from all the aforementioned, I’ve garnered that Lady Gaga won awards and wore outlandish outfits. As batshit as she, I think she’s an entertaining innocent. The Black Keys won a Breakthrough Award for their “Tighten Up” video. I picked that video as a great one to watch a while ago and we’ve been biggin’ up the whole album for a while. If you haven’t, you may want to check that out.

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