You can’t tell me that Kate Upton doesn’t smoke. Let’s count the ingredients that went into this Hot Pockets promo music video, starring the world-famous model/actress(ish)/masturbation fodder:
— Snoop Lion, rapping about the intricacies of a Hot Pocket, dropping enough double entendres to make you catch a contact high (“You wanna bake with me/then come on in/we light up taste buds/from beginning to the end”).
— Bow Wow, rapping about the intricacies of a Hot Pocket.
— Far-out visuals. Spaceships and secret herb gardens.
— A rip-off of Biz Markie’s “Just A Friend” jingle.
— Hot Pockets.
Kate Upton, if you’re so lucky to court her (which you aren’t), would probably be down to pack up the bong once or twice, see that hilarious movie that you’ve been looking forward to all month, come home, smash, smoke some more, and toss a DiGiorno (or Hot Pocket!) in the oven. We need more celebrities like her in this cold, confusing world.