How The Pettiest Man Alive Ruined His Ex Girlfriend’s Wedding

07.09.14 3 years ago 26 Comments

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Before moving forward, allow me to first share this piece of advice an old head gave me a long, long time ago. This is paraphrasing, of course.

“Understand the woman you fall in love with, all the nasty sh*t she does with you in the bedroom…9.9 times out of 10, she did that with someone else before you. Why do you think you’re so hooked now?”

It’s an adage older than any of us. It’s also something you live with because as long as your lady is down for you and only you (and vice versa), nothing else should matter. The keyword in that sentence being “should.”

That’s because people, for the most part, suck. That and the algebraic equation of Damn Good Woman A Man Let Get Away x Euphoric Sex x Petty Scorned Man = grounds for a catastrophic ending (swapping genders provides the same results). Such is the case with one unfortunate couple who saw their marriage end only hours after it began. Let’s set the scene:

— Man and woman wed. Everyone’s happy. The reception’s stupendous and everyone enjoys themselves. Now, it’s “sexy time.”

— Man and woman get to wherever the deed is about to be consummated. The mood is set and suddenly a package is delivered.

You’re probably wondering what the hell the package is by now. The groom was delivered a bouquet of flowers. Inside the arrangement was a memory stick of photos and a note basically saying “take a look when you get the chance.”

So, he did. And there was his queen naked and positioned in “intimate circumstances.”

Muslim cleric Sheikh Ghazi Bin Abdul Aziz al-Shammari told Kuwaiti television news that the groom decided on the spot that his hours-old marriage was over, the website Sabq reported.

‘The groom came to see me the next day and he was under strong emotional trauma,’ said the cleric.

‘It was truly the shock of his life and he could not bear the scandal.’

Sheikh al-Shammari said the bride’s former lover had days earlier tried to blackmail her into staying with him, threatening to reveal their relationship if she refused.

That leaves at least two simple questions. Was she seeing the ex at any time while still with the man who became her husband? Because, if so, it’s a damn shame that karma had to come back on him. And if she wasn’t and the guy was just that distraught over losing his woman, this instantly catapults him into the Mount Rushmore of pettiness for not only stooping to this level, but ruining a marriage, too.

Being inconsolable about losing a good woman is understandable. Every man has experienced it at some point in their lives. Growing tired of the lonely nights alone with high speed Internet, Roxy Reynolds, Carmen Hayes, Gianna Michaels or Lisa Ann and the only lady who never betrayed you, Palmala, grows old, too. But certain lines one just doesn’t cross, however. The karma he’s going to receive will be meteoric, swift and not for the faint of heart. Because, seriously…

The Bunk

Consider this one a man code violation for the history books.

Don’t get any bright ideas, Robin Thicke.

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