The GOP Is Really Working Hard To Win Votes From The Pro-Rape Crowd

08.21.12 5 years ago 49 Comments

Just when you thought you knew where the GOP was going with this election, they throw a curveball.

Not only are they going pro-rich guys, anti-Obamacare et al., the GOP also has a new crowd of people they’re lobbying to get votes from: people that don’t mind a good old-fashioned rape. It started last weekend (actually, it started before this weekend, including Paul Ryan trying to redefine exactly what a “rape” was but we’re just splitting hairs here) when Todd Akin expressed some scientific revelation that women who were “forcibly” raped were immune to becoming pregnant.

“From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Akin said. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

This, of course, prompted Romney and his clan to distance themselves from Akin even though there is a substantial history of like-mindedness between Akin and Ryan. That should be the end of the story, right?

That’s where Mike Huckabee comes in. The Huckster came to Akin’s defense by reminding us that really awesome people came from rape. Seriously.

“Ethel Waters, for example, was the result of a forcible rape,” Huckabee said of the late American gospel singer. One-time presidential candidate Huckabee added: “I used to work for James Robison back in the 1970s, he leads a large Christian organization. He, himself, was the result of a forcible rape. And so I know it happens, and yet even from those horrible, horrible tragedies of rape, which are inexcusable and indefensible, life has come and sometimes, you know, those people are able to do extraordinary things.”

So, hey, rape fans out there: if you were on the fence about what party would be supportive of your rape-y leanings you now have an answer.

Also, you have to commend Huckabee’s ability to look on the bright side. Rape creates cool people. Slavery created soul food. And the Holocaust created that kickass scene at the beginning of the first X-Men movie. Now don’t you feel better about all of those things? I thought you would.

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