Former Philadelphia Cop Sues Meek Mill Because He Can’t Sexually Satisfy His Ol’ Lady

06.17.14 3 years ago 13 Comments

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So there’s this Philadelphia cop, right?

In 2012, said cop arrested Meek Mill for having weed on him. The only issue was when they searched him, no weed was found. Understanding he was wronged in some fashion, Meek fires back by suing the city he so valiantly rides for in his music.

He lost the case, but the cop lost infinitely more.

Johnny Law claims Meek dragging his name through the mud all but killed his character and made it virtually impossible for him to land a job anywhere in the city. He was eventually fired for claims unrelated to Meek’s case and is still unemployed at the moment.

Here’s where things get tricky. The cop is also suing Meek for, check this, $750,000 stating the case has “had a strong affect on my life and relationship performance with my fiancée.”

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Performance as in…that performance.

The chances of winning this case don’t seem particularly high, but no one’s ever confused me for Johnnie Cochran or Roger Cossack either. Perhaps this all could’ve been avoided with a simple trip to the doctor for a prescription for Cialis or Viagra. Either that or streaming one of those “Best of Roxy Reynolds” tapes he and the lady, the future Mrs. Fired Cop, can brainstorm and season the mood to. Or maybe he’s gone those routes and believed taking Meek to court over his sexual shortcomings was the only feasible course of action left.

Whatever the case may be, it has to suck…

1. Hearing the second half of the “Dreams & Nightmares Intro” in your head whenever “sexy time” with your queen arises and…

2. Knowing one’s theatrics in the bedroom have traditionally delivered worse than Meek’s debut album.

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