President Obama: White House Desserts May Have Crack In Them

07.01.14 4 years ago 6 Comments

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“Oh great, you’re telling me that now we have to watch over both Joey and Barack and monitor what comes out of their mouths?” One staffer member said fretfully to no one in particular while adjusting his paisley bowtie.

The other members of the Obama Administration’s inner circle looked on in disbelief. They had just watched the First Lady correct her husband, the leader of the free world, who wondered out loud if the secret ingredient in White House Executive Pastry Chef Bill Yosses’ pies was an illegal substance.

“We call Bill the crustmaster, because his pies, I don’t know what he does, whether he puts crack in them…but…” the President joked before realizing the slip. The FLOTUS quickly chimed in, “No he doesn’t. There is NO crack in our pies.”*

“It’s okay,” a senior staffer said to his colleague. “We have that new press secretary who will just yell at any reporter ‘don’t get exercised!,’ regardless of what they’re asking, and shut it down faster than Michelle did just now. I think we’ll be okay,” he said knowingly.

On the other side of the room, one intern was overheard snickering a little too loudly to another intern, “This is what happens when they don’t use the teleprompter.”*

* — The whole “crack in pies” comment did actually occur on Monday during a LGBT Pride Month reception at the White House. We can only guess at the rest of went down behind the scenes.

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