David D. has made some horrible decisions in his young life, not the least of which has been my choice in Hip-Hop albums and artists to follow. Earlier this year, I highlighted some of these questionable decisions (“10 Rappers I Once Swore By”), but, unfortunately, those weren’t my only missteps. Here are a few more rappers I swore by, further discrediting me from ever having a valid music opinion again.
Enjoy while I watch my career slowly careen around the inside of the toilet bowl.
1. John Forte — Remember Wyclef’s pretty horrible Beegee’s cover, “We Trying To Stay Alive” with himself, Pras and John Forte? Yeah, well for little Davy D., Forte’s verse was the equivalent of Nas’ verse from “Verbal Intercourse”. I swore he wrecked shop. So, I copped his debut album Poly Sci. And you know what, I kind of dug it. Okay, maybe I just liked the one song with DMX, but still. I’m glad he’s free to bless us with more hot fire. Who’s with me?!
2. Magoo — Timbaland can’t rap for sh*t. Maybe that’s why Magoo sounded like a squeaky-voiced Raekwon next to him. Their debut album was funky, but that’s probably thanks to the beats. Still, I thought Magoo stole every verse. Hell, Timbaland and Magoo were my “The Throne” back in the day.
3. Drag-On — *horns blowing* Swizz Swizz Beatz! *raps really fast* Swizz Beatz owes me $13.99 for fooling me into thinking Drag-On was dope. But you have to admit you thought he was too after hearing “Down Bottom” on Ruff Ryders Vol. 1. Unfortunately, his album Opposite Of H2O was the opposite of good.
Aside: What the f*ck does “Opposite of H20” even mean? It’s like trying find a clever way to say “fire” while being totally stupid and preposterous. To me, the opposite of H20 is O2H, which is clearly a univalent anion formed from the equation H02H + NaOH^NaO2H + H. Duh.
4. Streetlife — You’d be hard-pressed to find a worse follow-up album than Method Man’s Tical 2000. Actually most anything with “2000” on the end of it sucked dingbat sacks. But I thought Streetlife was pretty dope on some of his features. Hell, he was better than Cappadonna. Barely. Whatever happened to him? Did he get booted by Trife as the resident Wu buddy with passable bars that don’t catch on but don’t stink either? Probably.
5. Jae Hood — Man, New York is full of letdowns, huh Knicks fans? Jae Hood was supposed to be the rookie of the year for D-Block. And I still recite “my Winchester will turn ya bladder into tuna fish” for no particular reason. But somewhere along the line, he and the crew split and it was all she wrote. It must suck for a career to flame out at like 19.
6. Quasimoto — I think I’ve mentioned this before, but 2004 was the David D. backpack era where I loved anything that was underground. Masta Ace, Wordsworth, DOOM, all of it. One artist that I tried to get into was Quasimoto – which is just Madlib rapping with his normal voice then as some weird alter ego. Neither of them knew how to rap. Man, just to think about how much money I spent at HipHopSite.com. Andreas Hale still probably has my credit card info on file somewhere.
7. Bubba Sparxxx — No, I didn’t believe in the fat kid that had the video where he was riding pigs and celebrating the inbred underbelly of rural America. No, I loved Bubba Sparxxx’s second album, Deliverance. I only copped because it came out before the era of downloads and it was only $6.99. Timbo put his foot in the damn album, creating a bluegrass/funk/techno Hip-Hop album for Bubba to spit over. I was appalled that Deliverance never got a Grammy nomination, as I was 100 percent sure it was headed in that direction.
8. Lord Tariq — Peter Gunz isn’t happening. He didn’t happen in 1997 and he won’t happen riding his son’s coattails to the top…or wherever Cory will end up. But Lord Tariq? Dude had some decent skills. I also copped their album Make It Reign off the strength of “Uptown.” The album had a dope feature from Big Pun and that’s about its only saving grace. But I swore Lord Tariq was spitting; though revisiting the album 13 years later has left me unable to find these dope bars.
9. 4-IZE – Remember that freestyle song from Ludacris’ first album, Back For The First Time? Well, there’s a guy that sounds like Eric Sermon totally ripping that track to shreds. Since the album was provided for me via burned CD (remember those), I’ve just right this second learned that that person’s name is 4-IZE. I have no clue what he’s doing now or what his life plans are, but I was so waiting for his debut album after hearing him on “Mouthing Off.” If you see him, give him a dap for that verse and tell him that he shattered a little teenagers dreams by never dropping anything else. Or maybe he did. Ah, f*ck it.