Robot Nookie

01.12.10 8 years ago 13 Comments

Rejoice, you pore-clogged junk bumpers with empty lotion bottles overflowing from your bedside garbage cans…the sex robot has arrived.

Aside from looking like a gangbanged Lady Gaga, Robocop’s skanky lil’ sister Roxxxy is much more than another blow-up semen depository, says True Companion LLC‘s Douglas Hines, the developer who unveiled the scantly-clad handyman’s companion this past weekend at the illustriously icky Adult Entertainment Expo. This rubber rollover not only let’s you unabashedly bash her lubricated penis hole, it gets to know ‘the real you,’ via it’s ability to “engage the owner with conversation rather than lifelike movement.”


I mean, if you’re a chapped-handed creep, this is probably a wet dream come true. But – correct me if I’m wrong here – wouldn’t most guys who need this kind of lucid loving rather not talk to the woman? Isn’t that inquisitively nagging nature of women why most men philander anyways? Plus, who the hell is going to spend $9,000 to rail some sensitive robot (with no neck motions!), when they can hail an inebriated hooker for a Franklin and do as they please? After recouping for condoms, that’s like 85 hookers…without those pesky wires coming out of the back of their heads! Seems like a no-brainer to me.

But then again, so does screwing women who breathe.


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