For 48 hours, I’ve been stuck trying to find the words to properly describe this highlight reel from 14-year-old instant Internet celebrity Seventh Woods. I still can’t and I’m just going to peg him the basketball Danny Almonte until an authentic birth certificate is produced.
I’ve watched the tape at least 15 times since my homie Alex showed it to me Sunday evening during halftime of the Heat/Bucks game. There’s no way a kid that age should have bounce that serious. And, granted, it’s still an edited highlight tape, but his overall (offensive) game looks to be as polished as you’re going to find in a kid still a year away from getting his freaking learner’s permit.
My only request is this. Okay, two requests.
1. Look, let’s just say f*ck it and let Stern go out with a bang. Invite Seventh and Detroit Mercy’s Doug Anderson to the dunk contest next year in New Orleans. Of course it won’t happen, but unless LeBron and/or Blake Griffin change their tone, not too many bigger billings for the event are going to exist.
2. Whatever this kid is eating and drinking, I beg his parents to freeze-dry it and please save it for my future son, Justin Tupac Cam Tony Martin King James Tinsley, II.