10 Point Plan For Throwing The Perfect Super Bowl Party

01.30.14 4 years ago 16 Comments

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So, that Super Bowl, right? Assuming you’re a normal American, you’ll probably be watching Denver and Seattle duke it out for NFL superiority. Most likely with friends, and definitely with refreshments.

But everyone has been to that sporting event boring enough to lose the attention battle to an iPhone. It happens. Just don’t let it happen during the biggest game of the year. Adhering to the following 10 suggestions should help.

And, as always is always the case around these parts, leave your own suggestions in the comments.

1. Use Two Big TVs (Or One 4K)

The Super Bowl should be about exuberance. About committing to some stupid television set-up that would look absurd on any other day of the year. Because, let’s be real: the only thing cooler to watch sports on than a 50 inch TV is two 50 TVs.

Bonus points if your blood is rich enough for a 4K. If you have one, my contact information is on Twitter. PLEASE EMAIL ME AND TAKE ME WITH YOU.

2. Have A Solid Potluck/Catering Balance

If you put a lot of effort into having friends over, you shouldn’t have to put that much effort into providing food. Let the rest of your friends figure out what sides to bring and what food to order. Because, remember: as great as that awesome homemade chili dip is, everybody loves pizza and wings.

3. Possess Plenty Of Beer

Or whiskey. Or wine. Or water. Or whatever your vice might be. Similar to the food, the last thing that anybody wants at a party is to feel like they got dicked over with the expenses. Just don’t be that guy who snakes all of the good beers from that sampler pack WITHOUT BRINGING ANYTHING.

4. Have Some Sort Of DVR or TiVo

Dramatic touchdown or gruesome injury? A digital recorder is necessary for your party to really appreciate the highs and lows of our favorite sport.

5. Don’t Let Anyone Ruin The Game


Seriously, there’s little worse than having to pay attention to anything else than what’s on the TV. Obviously friends are going to talk, but That Guy Who Talks To Loud (me, unfortunately) needs to be held in check.

6. Keep A Clean Place

If you’re hosting, obviously clean up before hand, and know that you’re probably going to be on post game clean-up duty alone. Don’t expect more than one or two hero friends to assist whatever dishes need to be cleaned.

7. Gamble

Nothing serious – because, uhhh, gambling illegal – but it’s always fun to put a couple of wagers on the game, whether they be based on a single player or the game’s final outcome. And commercials are in play, too; which fast food restaraunt get their 30 second spot aired first?

Speaking of commercials…

8. Respect The Advertising And The Halftime Show

There really are people out there who watch the Super Bowl for every reason but the actual game. The halftime show and the brand-new commercials might seem a bit unimportant to the football fans out there, but enough girlfriends have gotten mad at enough boyfriends for trying to change the channel during down time.

9. Make An Exit Strategy

When’s the last time anybody ever actually wanted to go home after The Super Bowl ended? Your adrenaline is soaring, even if your team didn’t play. Go find a bar or something. Or watch the Legends Cup (formally the Lingerie Bowl).

10. On Second Thought, Just Watch The Legends Cup

This combination of sex appeal and danger is hard to come by. Seriously, I don’t know if I’m more attracted to these girls or terrified. Should make for a solid distraction, because, you know, the NFL season will officially be over.

Note: Apparently the Legends Cup is a byproduct of the Legends Football League, which totally exists. The more you know!

Related: 20 Most Memorable Super Bowl Moments of All Time

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