Dig a hole. Bury yourselves.
We’ve gathered here today on this annual ceremony, not to mourn, but to celebrate the DEATH of music that has stolen precious minutes we shall never get back for our cherished lives. The album still holds its rank as the premier event in an artist’s career but there’s too many distractions (first week sales, features, artificial beef) shifting us away from the most important aspect: the music. And if it’s attention they want, they definitely got it right here.
Light a candle. Grab a veil. Slap a pallbearer. We’re gonna have ourselves a funeral.
Lil Wayne – Tha Carter IV [Young Money/Cash Money] — Weezy’s been fully functional with a scrambled brain for so long that the terms of his probation upon his release from prison turned his mind into Eggs Benedict. How else would you explain rhymes sounding like they were taken from a My First Punchline Book and anyone with the marbles to green light that Shyne verse? Let us all cremate this from memory and move forward.
Lupe Fiasco – Lasers [Atlantic Records/1st & 15th] — If Losers trekked from all over the globe to Occupy Wasulu previously heard the finished turd otherwise known as Lupe’s third album, my guess is the event wouldn’t have taken place. To his credit, the Lupester did publicly denounce the aforementioned turd but the tracks were recorded from his lips and he actually sold plenty of records. So he’s probably not stressing the critical bashing.
Sidebar — His latest mixtape was ass too.
Wale – Ambition [Maybach Music Group/Warner Bros.] — “By Any Means” was on the Self Made album, but Wale was determined to get on the radio and Billboard charts, even by the lowest common denominator of rap. It’s a sad day when your album features more R&B singers than MCs. There’s room in that casket if you want to hop on in, RealNigga. I hear Miguel is singing your song at the viewing. Fruitcake.
Snoop Dogg – Doggumentary [Doggystyle/Priority Records] — For what it’s worth, it’s been a very long time since Snoop dropped a lackluster album (think No Limit days). Ask Peyton Manning and he’ll tell you all streaks eventually come to an end. What we had here was Snoop’s caricatures finally catching up to him and resulting in a poor showing. And to think this was set to be called Doggystyle 2. That would have been the big one, Elizabeth.
Ski Beatz – 24 Hour Karate School Pt. 2 [DD172/BluRoc Records] — How you can go from earning a black belt in Twenty Ten to looking like Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja is beyond me. Either way the dojo was pretty forgettable this year. Too many other projects, not enough focus with this one. Seppuku.
9th Wonder – The Wonder Years [It’s A Wonderful World Music Group] — Much like the previous burial, 9th didn’t save all the good beats for himself and delivered his worst project of the year under his own name. When you have the likes of Mac Miller, Erykah Badu and Raekwon all under one LP and there’s no discussion being sparked, it’s time to kill that noise.
Styles P. – Master Of Ceremonies [D-Block/E1 Music] This may sound a little “harsh” but Styles P. has the worst solo discog in The Lox and guess what added another nail in his coffin? The comments in the review pretty much speak for the overall consensus this had on the public.
Dom Kennedy – From The Westside, With Love II [The OpM Company] — We get it. As an independent artist, clearing the samples found in your mixtapes is a label’s job. There’s still no reason to sacrifice quality just to get a commercial project under your belt. Dom’s 2011 double-up was a representation of the Lakers…playing the Clippers.
Ace Hood – Blood, Sweat & Tears [We The Best/Def Jam] — Having a red-hot single on a wack album is like having the highest “F” in the class. You’re still sitting in rap detention and Jeff Rosenthal is still laughing at you. Since Ace seems to keep finding his way on this list, it would probably mean he’s not too good at making albums. Just a hunch. No points for jacking DMX’s hustle and flow, either.
Cam’ron & Vado – Gunz N’ Butta [E1 Music] — Killa’s no dummy. He knows his name is large enough in the streets to not only sell records but have labels cut him a check as well. Vado coincidentally likes money so he’s rolling with a winner that just so happens to put out losing albums. Mega props for cheating the system but it’s time to dead the practice of releasing music just for the sake of it. That ain’t boss-like.
New Boyz – Too Cool To Care [Asylum/Warner Bros.] — “We gotta lay it cool. We tired of bein’ cool, man. Every time we turn around you tellin’ us to be cool, shit man we tired! Every time we get into an argument you say: “Be cool! ” The same thing… “Be cool! ” If we be too cool, we gon’ lose!” ~ The Education of Sonny Carson
These little n*ggas lost. Dig a hole.
Jim Jones – Capo [E1 Music] — If Hip-Hop really acted as the mafia, Jimmy would have been stripped of his title and escorted to an one-way fishing trip to Lake Tahoe off the strength of this release. The reality shows have caused Jimmy to slip in the streets and the studio. His career is pretty much undead just like a vampire.