Yo, I sleep through horror/slasher flicks like they were Seinfeld reruns. But this joint right here…
Man, listen, if you’re eating, have a weak stomach, are carrying a baby that is literate, or are easily susceptible to nightmares skip right over this post and have a Happy Hallowe’en. Except you with the literate baby. If he can read, he should walk. Put him down and slap yourself.
Now for the rest of you psychos, here’s the synopsis of The Human Centipede. Some crazy German surgeon decides he wants to join people to make a longer human. So he deduces the most logical way to do this is to merge one person’s toothless mouth to the next person’s enlarged poop-chute. The theory loosely revolved around them having a single digestive tract and…..that’s the movie. In an image, it looks like this.
I had the gross misfortune of having walked through a room this movie was showing in at 3 points. First, I walked in when he was kidnapping the girls. Oh, did I forget to mention he kidnaps the people he’s going to use for his experiment? 2 girls and a Japanese guy. Well, there was another guy, but he died or something. The second time I walked through the room, he was plucking out their kneecaps. Oh, yeah. Forgot to point that out too. This crazy doc decides that people should live on all fours and that no one needs kneecaps. So he relieves them of that burden. The third time I walked through the room…well. Let’s not talk about that part.
Suffice it to say, the movie makes the writers of Saw seem like they’ve been penning jingles for PBS afternoon kids’ shows. According to my deranged colleagues who will be dressed as the human centipede today, the movie was edited by an actual surgeon and their core fascination was that it was 100% medically accurate.
Yeah. So is child birth. But I’m not gonna watch that on that on a 50″ Plasma in HD for recreation. Nor am I going to dress up as a baby dipped in real afterbirth spurt.
But that being said, if you need a movie to make your stomach churn, by all means, indulge.
Thank us later.