“But the life that you live the only life that you know/Thankin’ God with only hope that something better in store…” – Big K.R.I.T., “My Interpretation”
I’ve never been more frustrated to write something as I have been with this. Capturing your own life is a lot more difficult than looking at someone or something else’s. I guess it’s because when you do, you’re the subject and the narrator. Almost as if you’re interviewing yourself.
Trust me, if you stop reading here, I’ll completely understand.
The other day I exited a building in DC from another successful meeting with a person who adored my credentials, loved my personality, but had no clue as to how to find a career in this piece of sh!t infrastructure that defines America.
That’s been the story of my life since May 2008.
“And it’s hard tryna keep this in ya/So I write it all down/So maybe one day when life is all sweet I’ll remember…” – Joe Budden, “Whatever It Takes”
I’ve bussed tables at Ruby Tuesday. Folded clothes at Pac Sun (I know). Interned for a state delegate. And worked several other jobs just to keep money in my pocket so I wouldn’t have to turn to my mom and grandma. Throw in networking, attending more job fairs than I care to remember, a graduate degree and I’ve still yet to pass “Go” and collect my $200.
Maybe it has all started to mess with me these past few months because I stopped smoking weed. On the same accord, I find myself doing something I promised I’d keep under control given family history – drinking. And I do, but it’s ironic how I retired one vice that’s “wrong” only to pick up another where they have whole stores dedicated to it. Go figure.
Life truly is a blessing though. I’m blessed to have saved enough money to have my own place. Blessed enough to have an internet connection to even write this. Blessed enough to see 50 keep me entertained on Twitter all day. Blessed enough to even have found out I’m somewhat decent at this writing thing. Blessed enough one of my musical role models knows who I am and values my opinion. Blessed enough to have met some real stand up people.
This platform has helped provide me an outlet to execute something I have been wanting to for years now – write about music (and other topics) to a mass audience. Sometimes I make sense, a lot of times I don’t. I’m thankful for it all however.
“A love that’s worth having, sho’ ’nuff’s worth fighting for…” – Willie Hutch, “A Love That’s Worth Having”
Yet and still, waxing poetics at the place Gotty™ built, TC enforces, LC amazes and David entertains doesn’t pay the bills. Just through various experiences and observations, I’ve been taught an honest lesson. One of the most frightening realizations in life is accepting the fact many of the dreams you prayed for your entire life will remain just that – dreams.
I’m a realist in the fact that I know one day it’ll all be over. That’s not being prophetic. That’s just the reality of things. Lord knows I’m not rushing my final act, but whenever that day finally comes, I just want to say I made an impact on the world in some shape, form or fashion.
Until then, however, I’ll keep moving forward with so many other people across the country who live the same life with different characters and different plot twists. We’ll all keep trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents and stay legit while still paying the rent every first (or fifth) of the month. We may not like it, but it is what it is. Finding a job is a full time job in itself.
It’s just the job nobody wants.