I Think Tiger Wears Beer Goggles…

12.07.09 8 years ago 61 Comments

Tiger Woods Race
By the time you read this, another alleged Tiger mistress will have revealed herself…

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods may have a sex addiction according to Dr. Drew, the sex guy. Tiger Woods may join Oprah on the couch & to fess up/do damage control. Tiger is “distanced” from the Black community because he only screwed white women.

Jesus H. Christ.

At this point, I’m looking @ my lady sideways wondering if she fucked Tiger Woods because Tiger Woods did every woman walking.

Seriously though, the media is calling all these women “extramartial affairs,” stretching it out to seem as if Tiger was going to leave his wife & kids for Suzy Q. who works @ a Vegas diner when the truth of the matter is a couple of the broads got knocked off in the backseat of the limited edition Tiger Woods Buick LeSabre. What the media is doing is biting for the same sales pitch Tiger used to sell these chicks a dream. It wasn’t an “affair” if he broke her off, grabbed her a brown bag special from Sonic and sent her on her way.

Everyone’s got a theory and opinion to add to the Tiger equation. There’s only one thing I’ve learned for certain.

Tiger was allegedly bumping uglies with some doodies.

Money indeed cannot buy class. This Cablinasian had millionaire money but was dustin off McDonald’s value meal-lookin-ass heiffers. We’re talking downright homely birds. Gawker’s been keeping a running “Tiger Woods Mistress Dossier” and here’s the names they have. I’ve taken the liberty of linking an accompanying picture with each name. Click if you dare.

1. Rachel Uchitel
2. Jamie Grubbs
3. Kalika Moquin
4. Jamie Jungers
5. Cori Rist
6. Mindy Lawton
7. The Unnamed British TV Host
8. The Unnamed Fourth Vegas Vixen
9. Holly Sampson, “Adult Film Actress.”
10. The Unnamed Orlando Cocktail Waitress

Either golf needs better groupies or this aggin Cablinasian* needs a wingman to help him sift thru the dirty heeled hoes to find the gold.

* Never liked golf and since he didn’t claim Black folks, fuck’em. He’s Cablinasia’s problem.

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