This Week Tom Brady Will Prove That He Is A Horrible, Horrible Person

12.29.11 6 years ago 33 Comments

I hate Tom Brady. And his coach. They’re just total d*cks and bullies that get riled up to beat on a subpar Jets team and act like it was a national tragedy that they screwed the pooch four years ago when they should have had a perfect season. Tom Brady thinks he’s the greatest quarterback ever and you’re an idiot if you disagree with him. And Belichick thinks he invented f*cking football.

That doesn’t stop NFL pundits from getting double-face penetrated by the two and calling Tom Brady the greatest of all time despite the fact he throws to wide open guys, can’t move for sh*t and has come up short in the last four playoff games he’s played in. But whatevs. Regardless of how awesome fellating analysts think he is, one fact is indisputable: Brady and Belichick are gaping a**holes. And they’ll prove it this Sunday.

The most compelling match-up of the week will clearly be the Giants against the rival Cowboys for NFC East supremacy , but the second-most enthralling battle will be between two marquee quarterbacks that won’t even be on the same field: Drew Brees and Tom Brady. While Brees recently broke Dan Marino’s 27-year-old NFL single-season passing total in dramatic fashion, the record is still very much up for grabs. Brady only trails our lord and savior Sweet Baby Breesus by 190 yards for the all-time passing yardage mark in a season. And you bet your ass that Brady and Belichick are going to try everything in their power to toss for 500+ yards and end the season as the record-holder. Why? See the aforementioned sentences about Brady’s egotistic, asshole-y desire to be a douchebag.

You better believe that Brady will be tossing the rock 40-50 times on Sunday to pass up Brees. Brees, though? I’m not sure how he’ll respond. It’ll be interesting to see if he even entertains the challenge and tries to hold on to his top spot.

Regardless of the outcome, nobody will come down on Brady for his attempt to grab the record in a meaningless game. But imagine if a non-Golden Child like Terrell Owens or someone pressed for a record on week 17. He’d get lambasted by the court of public opinion. But Brady doesn’t have to live by those same rules.

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