Flogging the dolphin. Peeling the banana. Killing kittens. Shaking hands with the sheriff. Watching Handah Mondana. We all know the basic tenets of male (and female) life involve spending some alone time with your no-no place. And since music is all about real-life situations, it makes sense that there have been songs about the experience of syruping your fapjack during May, National Masturbation Month. So without further ado, here are 10 songs about…uhm…we’re out of euphemisms – masturbation.
1. Pharcyde – “On The DL”
Even though he’s apparently got a “girl whose butt’s soft” sleeping the bedroom, Buckwheat slides to the bathroom with a jar of cocoa butter and proceeds to give himself a hand for rocking a shorty the night before. As he so descriptively puts it, he slips “out my underoos sat on the toilet bowl, And let the hand I hold the mic with take controllllll.”
2. Tweet – “Oops (Oh My)”
Part of the success of the song lies in the urban legend that it was about masturbation. The lyrics (“Umm I was looking so good I couldn’t reject myself, Umm I was feeling so good I had to touch myself”) all but confirm the obvious but when Jay-Z references the song years later (“”I wanna feel myself like Tweet”), on Missy Elliott’s “Wake Up,” we all but have our solid answer. Hova wouldn’t lie or lead us astray.
Sidebar: Missy wrote “Oops.” Make of that what you will.