Dear God, Prove Your Omnipotence And Make ‘Waking Up With Kimye’ A Reality

11.17.13 4 years ago 4 Comments

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a fan of SNL. Most of the skits I’ve seen = texting “lol” to a friend when you’re actually completely stone-faced. But with last night’s Waking Up With Kimye sketch, SNL did the impossible: make me obnoxiously laugh my ass off.

Let me say this before I get into it.

The inner-strength it takes for me to not blow my brains out when something Kanye and Kim Kardashian-related come across my computer/tablet/smartphone screen can only be compared to the strength of 100 SuperThors. These two narcissists are so polarizing that they make me want to create a Kickstarter campaign to fund a medically-induced coma for myself.

But I can’t. And now they’ve skewed my brain into believing that they are the sole common denominator for every single bad thing in this world, nee, universe. Terrorism? Kimye. World hunger? Kimye. Comet coming? Kimye.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them. I don’t hate anything or anyone, except people. However, what I am is tired of their faces, voices and names, portmanteau and all. Hell, I’ve almost had it with the letter “K,” which makes it painfully hard for me to enjoy my Special K cereal in the morning.

With all that being said, I would soooo wake up every day, at dawn’s ass crack to watch Waking Up With Kimye, a morning show that starts off your morning with the couple’s energy, Kanye’s completely fact-based opinions and the sound of Kim’s nasally, ditzy, super-annoying voice.

If this is what the future holds, I’m cancelling that Kickstarter because I want in!

“An intergalactic icon of creativity!”

“I saw an apple on it so I dipped it in caramel.

“Kim is wearing a Givenchy piece that she initially didn’t want to wear so I had to put her in it while she was asleep. It’s sexy and at the same time says, ‘hey, this girl knows how to read!’

“Ewww, work!”

Dear God, Xenu, Flying Spaghetti Monster, please give Kris Jenner the strong pimp-hand to make Waking Up With Kimye a reality. And please bless her daughter Kendall for the TV exec she’s going to be forced to screw to make Waking Up With Kimye a reality. For this, I promise to pay the sh*t out of my tithes.


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