What’s On Ryan Leslie’s Laptop?

11.08.10 7 years ago 19 Comments

While on a tour stop in Germany in late October, Ryan Leslie’s laptop was stolen and he promptly offered up a $20K reward. Days have passed and the singer’s electronics still haven’t turned up, so he’s increased the reward to a cool million dollars. It all makes you wonder, what could the laptop contain that could be so valuable?

The first obvious response is more Cassie pics but that’s far too easy because we’ve all seen (and enjoyed) those. It couldn’t be defamatory material or disparaging remarks about another entertainer because a token piece of jewelry to say “I’m sorry” if secrets were revealed sure beats paying such a sizable reward. No, the laptop must contain dark, sordid secrets.

If there’s one thing we know in this Hardy Boy mystery, the files on there are more than music. So we took ten quick guesses on what might be on there.

1. Minutes from the last Illuminati staff meeting.

2. A slew of sonnets about Cassie along with approximately 1.2GB folder of pics with him & Cassie. Some also include her and Puffy but he Photoshop’ed his face on there.

3. S-Curl coupons set to expire soon.

4. A mastered version of Detox.

5. Not just regular porn but files of the extremely ill fetish type. Think of files of the coprophilia persuasion.

6. Bin Laden’s location

7. Recorded versions of “revealing” Skype conversations with Eddie Long

8. The actual lyrics from his song “Gibberish.”

9. The blueprint to frame Puffy with Biggie’s murder.

10. The contents to Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase.

Whatever the case, nobody’s getting the reward money. Chances are Bad Boy’s behind it all and everyone knows Puff jerks people for money. Expect anyone who steps forward with palm’s outstretched to claim the cash will promptly be met with the bracelets and a trip to the county.

Anyways, Ryan made this nifty little song and video to accompany his plea.

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