“When Some Clown Jumps Up To Get Beat Down…”

07.18.09 8 years ago 54 Comments

“…Broken Down To His Very Last Compound.”

Nigel posted & reminded me of this clip that I saw a few days ago. Even though there’s no sound, it won’t take much to break down the cast of characters & the ensuing action because we’ve seen all these people before.

Before it even starts, you know there’s trouble because A.) it’s a Youtube clip but moreso because B.) dudes got their shirts off. Shirts off indicate it’s hot and tempers are probably flaring and that the squab is about to go down & nobody wants to get their shirt shanked over their head.

0:00 – :10 — Extreme posturing. The two shirtless guys gather around a Corky-type fellow who looks like he finally took a break from gaming to grab a soda & some honey roasted peanuts, his only source of nutrition. Not shaping up to be much of a battle from first glance and, initially, one might think that Corky let loose a bold Freudian slip like, “I hate when you guys skip the line like people aren’t standing here.” You’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about. We all think it, but aren’t 100% sure about saying it, depending on the odds & circumstances. Corky though, he’s been in his animated reality all day long & forgotten that the arsenal of weapons & skills he was using in World Of Warcraft aren’t really tangible.

One shirtless fellow exits carrying a child.

Also make note of the individual in the red shirt, arms folded & casually drifting past the impending meltdown that’s about to happen. He & heavyset Lester in the black shirt, they know what’s up.

:20 — Knowing he’s got the odds, one of the shirtless assailants starts to do the “it’s on” shuffle & bop. Around that time, red shirt guy, who we’ll refer to as Kool-Aid, taps him on the arm. Shirtless guy…

Let’s stop here for a sec. Everybody needs a name so we can help keep things straight. Let’s call the shirtless guys Luke & Butch, The Bushwackers.

…Luke is tapped on the arm by Kool-Aid & turns, fists balled & ready to romp…or so he thinks.

:30 — The push. Sign number one that Butch really didn’t want to “fight,” but he wanted to get into it with somebody on this particular night. If I’m threatened, I’m punching first. A push indicates that I’m just looking to start some shit & see how it goes. Or Corky probably popped off with some smartass comment that may have worked in the comments section of a website…just not in a crowded convenience store when you’ve got The Bushwackers ready to fire on you.

Corky shows his lack of fighting skills by immediately going into to bitch-mode, throwing wreckless haymakers & attempted to use his girth to tackle Butch.

:34 — Luke runs up & it’s two on one, two on one! Corky doesn’t stand a chance as they rush him in to the candy & chip display rack. Corky goes down quite fast, falling to the ground with Luke’s knee seeming like it may have caused Corky to hit his head against the ground.

But here comes Kool-Aid, rushing to Corky’s aid & bearhugging Butch into the counter!

:41 — Luke recovers his footing & bearings, realizes Butch is in trouble & runs to his rescue. Just when it looks like Kool-Aid is about to suffer the same fate as Corky, in comes another bystander (Slim Charles, for references sake) with a few quick uppercuts.

At this point, take a point to rewind to the :37 second mark. Note Corky on the floor laid out like he’s sunbathing @ the beach. At the :42 mark, watch Lester calmly step over Corky. Now watch it again & laugh as Corky struggles to position himself onto an elbow.

While you’re there, notice the entrance of Reggie Bush.

:47 — At this point, it’s a wrap. With arms bigger than my calves, Reggie is pummeling Luke, then swaps over to drop a mean right on Butch @ the :50 mark. Luke takes off running as Reggie finishes cleaning house.

1:06 — Where the fuck did this shirtless, shoeless white dude come from? Was he taking a shit while his partners were getting their asses kicked?

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