Will Smith hung out with Gillie Da Kid for who knows why (though I’m assuming if Will has a new rap album, he’ll be needing a writer so there’s that) and it resulted in a video that I just can’t purge from my nightmares. It’s literally one of the most awkward, inexplicable videos you’ll ever see.
To truly appreciate what’s happening, let’s take a detailed look at all of the intricacies of Will Smith hanging out with Gillie Da Kid.
:00-:02 – Did that say “Figga Gang and Religion Records”…off to a great start.
:10 – Our first glimpse of Will. As you can see, he dug through his closet to find a shirt that looked pedestrian enough. But that “white tee” is probably Italian with a thread count in the high thousands and a price to match. Good try, Will. Good try.
:14-:56 – At what point during this watch party for the movie does Will think to himself, “I think this f*cking movie with Gillie Da Kid and Ving Rhames is better than ‘After Earth?'”
:59-:1:07 – Awkward Gyration Theatre Pt. 1: What is William doing here? And what the hell is he saying? “Throw on something…something…something that needs something.” I haven’t seen real life crackheads too often but Will looks like the richest crackhead in an Italian white tee I’ve ever seen.
1:16-1:22 – There is nothing, I mean nothing, more awkward than being rapped directly to. You just have to sit there and kind of stare at the guy while he raps all enthusiastically. And nod in approval but he clearly looks like a crazy person. But you have to be polite and just take it. And let’s be clear that at this particular moment, Gillie is rapping “Shorty is dime, shoe game mean” while doing invisible steering wheel pantomimes.
1:22-1:25 – Did I say nothing was more awkward than being rapped to? I meant to say nothing is more awkward than having the autotuned hook sung to you.
1:44-2:15 – “Ay, dog, this R&B/rap song about shorty’s shoe game is so dope I need go grab some dumbbells and do some lifting. Where my dumbbells at, yo!” – Said no one ever, except for Hitch. This is like Burn After Reading where George Clooney would break out and go jog after having an orgasm. But more awkward.
2:21 – “Lyrical exercise” – This guy. No, no it’s not. It’s literal exercise while a sh*tty song plays in the background. Totally different.
2:26 – 2:30 – Awkward Gyration Theatre Pt. 2: Is this like some sort of faux Tarzan thing? Circumnavigating an invisible pole of some sort? Someone explain.
2:46-2:50 – Awkward Gyration Theatre Pt. 3: Is Gillie Da Kid hitting the dougie? No, Gillie Da Kid is hitting da dougie.
2:50-2:57 – I don’t know who invented Rap Spirit Fingers (TM), but that person deserves a Nobel Prize.
3:20-3:30 – Is he…PUT THE GODDAMN WEIGHT DOWN, WILL!
3:33-3:43 – Awkward Gyration Theatre Pt. 4: Return of the Tarzan Dance.
3:44 – Figga Gang ENT and Religion Records. Keeping is real G(esus) for you mothaf*ckas.