Black History Month founder Carter G. Woodson is spinning in his grave right now. We know it. Because 2014 has brought us what may be the worst Black History Month ever. From Michael Dunn to Nicki Minaj to stolen barbecue ribs, these have been some trying 28 days. In case you’ve tried to block it all from your memories, here are 28 reasons this has been the worst Black History Month in recent memory.
1. George Zimmerman Celebrity Boxing Starring DMX
Speaking of murderers: George Zimmerman is apparently a celebrity now. He’s going to do celebrity boxing and his possible opponent will be none other than Earl Simmons. If this ever comes true, it will be a nightmare.
2. The MLK Family Feud
Dr. Martin Luther King’s legacy can’t be tarnished. But dammit if his family isn’t trying. His son has tried to sell the late Dr.’s Nobel prize and a few other of his memorabilia. This, of course, has led to a nasty family feud that nobody wants to see. Ugh.
3. Boosie Not Getting Out
Picture it: NBA All Star Weekend in New Orleans. The entire hip-hop world in attendance wearing all of their chains and their best outfits with leather sleeves. A darkly tinted SUV pulls up to a post-dunk contest party, and out jumps Torrence Hatch, loose as a goose, with a fade so perfect that Andis had to have created a special pair of clippers just for the joyous occasion. But alas, it was not to be.
After several reports from very reliable sources like Bun B, and Boosie’s own brother, indicated that Boosie would hit the bricks in time for this year’s All Star festivities, the federal government apparently had other ideas. Hopefully, he gets out before the Ides of March. Until then we here at TSS are still screaming “Free Boosie!”
4. Marcus Smart Vs. Jeff Orr
Jeff Orr said something to Marcus Smart towards the end of February 8’s Oklahoma State/Texas Tech game. Whatever was spewed was enough to incite Smart to step in Orr’s face and shove him. The act dominated sports headlines for a few days and the same song and dance about players, etiquette and the underlying issue of race reared its ugly head all over again. The travesty here is that people like Jeff Orr can yell whatever racial epithet they want at athletes like Smart and it’s the victim of the slur that gets the penalty. Good to know.
5. Nicki Minaj Calls Malcolm X A Lookin A$$ N****
Nicki was doing everything right. She was putting her goods on display. She was rapping like a mother*cker. She even showed her natural hair. But then she took to Instagram to portray the iconic image of Malcolm X looking out the window with the title “Lookin A$$ N****.” Then she apologized for you all being idiots. Sounds about right.Subscribe to UPROXX
6. Wale’s God-Awful All-Star Performance
Proof that all Black people are not wizards at the game of basketball. The funniest moment of this year’s All Star Weekend took place on Friday night during the Celebrity Game. Wale was so bad (HOW BAD IS HE) his basketball skills make his spoken word feats make him sound like the second coming of Gil Scott Heron.
7. Rick Ross Vs. Grammar
We’ve typed “misconfusion” 100 times and each time we get the red squiggly line underneath. That’s bullsh*t, Ross. Just like him attempting to imply he and Jeezy never truly had any bad blood between each other.
We were born at night, Ricky. Not last night. And for the record, the only rappers we respect who can make up their own words are Cam’ron and E-40.
8. Terrell Owens’ New Wife Attempts To Kill Herself
This isn’t funny, not in the least bit, so we won’t even attempt to crack a joke. Not even a month after marrying former NFL All-Pro wideout Terrell Owens, Rachel Snider filed for divorce and allegedly attempted to take her own life. The reason? She felt T.O. – whose financial problems are well-documented – was using her for her money.
9. Maxwell Not Dropping New Music On Valentine’s Day Like He Said he Would
There’s not much out there in the way of slow jams these days, unless you like songs about the club that rhyme bottles and models. Where is the love? We thought that Maxwell was going to provide it on Valentine’s Day, but apparently he was too busy trimming his soul patch or something.
10. The Michael Dunn Trial
Michael Dunn opened fire on a car full of Black kids because they were playing music too loudly. So clearly his life was in danger. He shot all the of the kids in the car, killing Jordan Davis in the process. The trial revealed that Dunn was guilty of attempted murder but the jury was hung on if he actually murdered Davis. Wait…what? Sigh.
11. The Slam Dunk Contest
The Dunk contest basically took the kiddie “everyone wins” route and it absolutely sucked. R.I.P. to one of the greatest events to happen every February.
12. Charlamagne Tha God Asks People About Black History Month And They Know Nothing
Ubiquitous MTV and New York radio personality Charlamagne Tha God encountered a bunch of walking facepalms at a subway stop, and the ancestors cried out in response. For black history month, Charlemagne showed each idiot pictures of well-know black historical figures…and Tyler Perry. None of these geniuses could identify a picture of Malcolm X, but maybe if Tyler makes Madea By Any Means Necessary, Black History Month will be a little better in 2015.
13. Black Dude Kills Black Teenage Girl Over Egging Incident
I had already typed the word Florida out, before double-checking and confirming that this horrible tragedy actually took place in Arkansas. What would be the appropriate response to a car full of kids throwing eggs and condiments at your car? A call to the police? Informing the neighborhood watch? A middle-aged psycho threw common sense to the side like a shell casing being expelled from a handgun, and instead fired multiple shots into the kids’ fleeing car, killing 15-year-old Adrian Broadway in the process. Mischievous, hell, even bad, kids do not deserve to die. Put the guns down people.
14. Black Chicago Congressman Shoots 100 Pornos In Zimbabwe
So let us get this straight. You’re a former US Senator who went to Zimbabwe on the premise you were the middleman between foreign investors and the tourism industry. However, after some digging, officials find you were the leader of a pornography ring with over 2,000 nude pictures and 100 videos where they hit you with 12 counts of statutory rape, obstruction of justice and solicitation of child porn BEFORE you left your Senate seat. And you piled up $24,500 in debt between two hotels.
You’re an idiot, Melvin Jay Reynolds.