28 Reasons Why Black History Month 2014 Was The Absolute Worst Ever!

By: 02.28.14  •  41 Comments
The Negro Community

Imgur

Black History Month founder Carter G. Woodson is spinning in his grave right now. We know it. Because 2014 has brought us what may be the worst Black History Month ever. From Michael Dunn to Nicki Minaj to stolen barbecue ribs, these have been some trying 28 days. In case you’ve tried to block it all from your memories, here are 28 reasons this has been the worst Black History Month in recent memory.

1. George Zimmerman Celebrity Boxing Starring DMX

Speaking of murderers: George Zimmerman is apparently a celebrity now. He’s going to do celebrity boxing and his possible opponent will be none other than Earl Simmons. If this ever comes true, it will be a nightmare.

2. The MLK Family Feud

Dr. Martin Luther King’s legacy can’t be tarnished. But dammit if his family isn’t trying. His son has tried to sell the late Dr.’s Nobel prize and a few other of his memorabilia. This, of course, has led to a nasty family feud that nobody wants to see. Ugh.

3. Boosie Not Getting Out

Picture it: NBA All Star Weekend in New Orleans. The entire hip-hop world in attendance wearing all of their chains and their best outfits with leather sleeves. A darkly tinted SUV pulls up to a post-dunk contest party, and out jumps Torrence Hatch, loose as a goose, with a fade so perfect that Andis had to have created a special pair of clippers just for the joyous occasion. But alas, it was not to be.

After several reports from very reliable sources like Bun B, and Boosie’s own brother, indicated that Boosie would hit the bricks in time for this year’s All Star festivities, the federal government apparently had other ideas. Hopefully, he gets out before the Ides of March. Until then we here at TSS are still screaming “Free Boosie!”

4. Marcus Smart Vs. Jeff Orr

Jeff Orr said something to Marcus Smart towards the end of February 8’s Oklahoma State/Texas Tech game. Whatever was spewed was enough to incite Smart to step in Orr’s face and shove him. The act dominated sports headlines for a few days and the same song and dance about players, etiquette and the underlying issue of race reared its ugly head all over again. The travesty here is that people like Jeff Orr can yell whatever racial epithet they want at athletes like Smart and it’s the victim of the slur that gets the penalty. Good to know.

5. Nicki Minaj Calls Malcolm X A Lookin A$$ N****

Nicki was doing everything right. She was putting her goods on display. She was rapping like a mother*cker. She even showed her natural hair. But then she took to Instagram to portray the iconic image of Malcolm X looking out the window with the title “Lookin A$$ N****.” Then she apologized for you all being idiots. Sounds about right.

Subscribe to UPROXX

6. Wale’s God-Awful All-Star Performance

Proof that all Black people are not wizards at the game of basketball. The funniest moment of this year’s All Star Weekend took place on Friday night during the Celebrity Game. Wale was so bad (HOW BAD IS HE) his basketball skills make his spoken word feats make him sound like the second coming of Gil Scott Heron.

7. Rick Ross Vs. Grammar

We’ve typed “misconfusion” 100 times and each time we get the red squiggly line underneath. That’s bullsh*t, Ross. Just like him attempting to imply he and Jeezy never truly had any bad blood between each other.

We were born at night, Ricky. Not last night. And for the record, the only rappers we respect who can make up their own words are Cam’ron and E-40.

Page 2
Terrell and wife

Crunktastical.net

8. Terrell Owens’ New Wife Attempts To Kill Herself

This isn’t funny, not in the least bit, so we won’t even attempt to crack a joke. Not even a month after marrying former NFL All-Pro wideout Terrell Owens, Rachel Snider filed for divorce and allegedly attempted to take her own life. The reason? She felt T.O. – whose financial problems are well-documented – was using her for her money.

9. Maxwell Not Dropping New Music On Valentine’s Day Like He Said he Would

There’s not much out there in the way of slow jams these days, unless you like songs about the club that rhyme bottles and models. Where is the love? We thought that Maxwell was going to provide it on Valentine’s Day, but apparently he was too busy trimming his soul patch or something.

10. The Michael Dunn Trial

Michael Dunn opened fire on a car full of Black kids because they were playing music too loudly. So clearly his life was in danger. He shot all the of the kids in the car, killing Jordan Davis in the process. The trial revealed that Dunn was guilty of attempted murder but the jury was hung on if he actually murdered Davis. Wait…what? Sigh.

11. The Slam Dunk Contest

The Dunk contest basically took the kiddie “everyone wins” route and it absolutely sucked. R.I.P. to one of the greatest events to happen every February.

12. Charlamagne Tha God Asks People About Black History Month And They Know Nothing

Ubiquitous MTV and New York radio personality Charlamagne Tha God encountered a bunch of walking facepalms at a subway stop, and the ancestors cried out in response. For black history month, Charlemagne showed each idiot pictures of well-know black historical figures…and Tyler Perry. None of these geniuses could identify a picture of Malcolm X, but maybe if Tyler makes Madea By Any Means Necessary, Black History Month will be a little better in 2015.

13. Black Dude Kills Black Teenage Girl Over Egging Incident

I had already typed the word Florida out, before double-checking and confirming that this horrible tragedy actually took place in Arkansas. What would be the appropriate response to a car full of kids throwing eggs and condiments at your car? A call to the police? Informing the neighborhood watch? A middle-aged psycho threw common sense to the side like a shell casing being expelled from a handgun, and instead fired multiple shots into the kids’ fleeing car, killing 15-year-old Adrian Broadway in the process. Mischievous, hell, even bad, kids do not deserve to die. Put the guns down people.

14. Black Chicago Congressman Shoots 100 Pornos In Zimbabwe

So let us get this straight. You’re a former US Senator who went to Zimbabwe on the premise you were the middleman between foreign investors and the tourism industry. However, after some digging, officials find you were the leader of a pornography ring with over 2,000 nude pictures and 100 videos where they hit you with 12 counts of statutory rape, obstruction of justice and solicitation of child porn BEFORE you left your Senate seat. And you piled up $24,500 in debt between two hotels.

You’re an idiot, Melvin Jay Reynolds.

Page 3

Kevin Durant The Servant

15. Kevin Durant’s New Nickname: The Servant

Kevin Durant has been having an MVP season. His basketball skills are nearly unparalleled and if he continues to play at the ridiculous level he is now, we’ll probably see him in June. However, the guy absolutely sucks at nicknames. He didn’t like Slim Reaper (which was actually brilliant) and decided The Servant was the most applicable pseudonym for him.

To be fair, we’re sure it has to do with his religious beliefs and that’s beyond commendable. It’s just not a great basketball nickname though. At all.

16. Score One For Good Ol’ Boys Of Georgia And Their Fancy New (Racist) License Plates

#HeritageNotHate

But what happens when a good chunk of the heritage is hate?

This crap would’ve never happened if OutKast just promised to drop a new album by now.

17. Ray Rice Allegedly Beating Up His Wife

Super Bowl champion, model citizen, and anti-bullying advocate Ray Rice looks to be in serious trouble. He’s charged with literally knocking his fiancée the fuck out, and there’s video evidence of him dragging what appears to be her unconscious body into an Atlantic City elevator. Police officials claim to have video evidence of the assault as well, which will edge an already awful Black History Month into new depths of failure.

Jeopardy black history

18. Black History Gets Ignored On ‘Jeopardy’

Three college-educated White kids went on Jeopardy and answered every. damn. question. on the board except for any Black History question. Rosie Perez would have kicked their asses this round.

19. Tennessee Official Threatened Blacks With Skin ‘Trophy’ He Saved From 1896 Lynching

Way to go, Tennessee! You’ve managed to one-up both Florida and Arizona in the no-way-this-can-happen-in-2014 race. As the story goes, medical investigator William Sewell met with Shun Mullins and two others to discuss the death of Mullins’ mother and allegations of racism in the way medical personnel treated her.

Sewell wanted to show Mullins what racism was so he described a lynching of a black man in detailed and included a footnote about his grandfather, who saved a piece of the deceased victim’s skin and passed it down through generations. Reportedly, Sewell took delight in telling the story and spoke on the piece of skin as if it “was like a trophy to him.”

The state finally stepped and terminated Sewell’s employment for conduct that could be perceived as a form of intimidation. But Shun Mullins should’ve never had to experience pre-Civil Rights treatment while searching for the answers to his mother’s death.

20. Man Stuffs His Pants With $100 Of Ribs At Piggly Wiggly

Well…a man’s gotta eat. You couldn’t sneak some quinoa or something in your britches, though?

21. Racist Twitter Troll Gets Exposed

So there’s some woman named Darth Venn aka Venny and she apparently makes fun of Black men for a living. Well, some people apparently found her at an Applebee’s looking like Despicable Me with edges and it became the biggest thing on Twitter for a day. Yes, this is what everyone was talking about.

Around The Web

Featured

Learn Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Eggnog With Tyson Buhler Of Death And Company

Ben Schwartz Talks About Keeping Busy And The Physics Of His Jean-Ralphio Hair

The Nod: The ‘Crash’ Upset, 10 Years Later

By:  •  12 Comments

EAT THIS CITY: Chef Carrie Nahabedian Shares Her ‘Can’t Miss’ Food Experiences In Chicago

DJ Jazzy Jeff Talks World Tour With Will Smith, Culture of DJing, And Academy Awards Boycotts

Follow These Eight Travelers On Snapchat And They’ll Show You The World

Nikki Glaser On Her New Series ‘Not Safe With Nikki Glaser’ And Being A ‘Curious Perv’

From Showman To Shaman: How An Assassination Attempt Changed Bob Marley’s Life And Music

From Zero To Guitar Hero, Meet The Small-Town Musician Who’s Well On His Way

Hannibal Buress On ‘Comedy Camisado,’ Animation, And Doing Stand-Up In Japan

Phil Matarese And Mike Luciano Talk ‘Animals.’ And Creating Television In Their Apartment

‘Black Sheep’ Revisited: The Farley-Spade Classic That Could’ve Been, 20 Years Later