I can barely even write about this because I keep shuddering involuntarily, but here goes: a high school football player in Wisconsin named Jake Asp almost missed part of his season because he had a beetle lodged in his ear. For real:
"Someone said I could have popped my ear drum," Asp said. "…But when I got to the [clinic], they took a look in there and saw it, and I was like, 'What the heck? How did I get a bug in my ear?'"
Asp could hear it, and it nearly drove him nuts. "It was digging and biting into my eardrum," he said. "That went on for, like, 15 minutes. I could hear it — a whole bunch of loud popping noises. It hurt pretty bad."
Asp eventually went into surgery after his ear started filling up with blood.
Okay, deep breaths. I'm a pretty tough dude. I invaded Iraq in a tank and killed some people and generally wasn't too afraid, then because I'm such a hardass I got my own sports blog. But this… fuuuuuuuuck. No chance I'm sleeping tonight. Hey, YOU try watching The Wrath of Khan when you're five years old and see if you don't have nightmares about bugs in your ears for the rest of your childhood.