The good news for the Washington Nationals is that no one is hurt. The bad news is… well, there isn't any bad news. It's just funny news. You see, the Nats' train home from New York derailed Tuesday morning, proving that God may have a sense of humor, but his comic timing is actually three or four months late if he wanted to get the most out of the joke.
It's weird. I sit here all day looking through sports stories for something as perfect as this, and when it finally happens, I'm disappointed. It's too easy. Train wreck. Washington Nationals. What else can I do? Second-graders can connect the dots on that one. And second-graders are still laughing at puns on popsicle sticks.
Couldn't the Nats have given me something to work with? Like, say, everyone got killed except for Alfonso Soriano? I could bring the room down with that. Okay, okay, I don't want to wish death on the Nats… but were there at least banana peels on the tracks? Monkeys distracting the engineer? Clowns in the caboose? C'mon, gimme something.