Rhyme No More...
Donovan McNabb Barfed

Shawne Merriman Busted for Steroids

By 10.23.06

Well, well, well. Lofa Tatupu has just been named last year's "Defensive Rookie of the Year not on Steroids." Shawne Merriman, the Chargers' edge-rushing, game-changing linebacker, has been suspended for four games for steroid use, and he didn't even get the chance to make the "but it was a weight-loss supplement!" excuse favored by other users:

Merriman's positive test was "definitely for steroids … not one of those supplement deals" said a source with knowledge of Merriman's suspension.

In a related story, Merriman was found guilty of wearing a faux-hawk and has been sentenced to live out his suspension in the trendy hipster neighborhood of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where he can grow to hate the haircut.

While I'm kicking a guy who's down, I should note that his "Lights Out" sack celebration is quite possibly the worst in sports. You're "turning off" your light switch tattoo? Terrifying! Interacting with a two-dimensional image is just sad. And completely unsatisfying. Just ask the Kathy Ireland poster I had in high school.


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