PAT BURKE IS THE NEW PAUL SHIRLEY
The Next Episode

NOBODY SUCKS MORE THAN DICK VITALE

By / 11.27.06

Ah, Vegas. For me that whore of a city is always a blast. I start drinking when I wake up, hemorrhage money at the craps table for a couple hours, then end up leaving Cheetah's about the same time the sun's coming up (because Skye was totally fucking into me). I always drive away from Vegas feeling guilty about my decision-making, something that goes away when I dig a shallow grave in the Mojave for the dead hooker in my trunk.

Of course, Las Vegas is also the site of the Las Vegas Invitational, which featured a thrilling Kansas win over Florida this past weekend. Dick Vitale, naturally, was on hand to shout like a Down Syndrome teenager about the game. Afterwards, not having contributed to enough headaches in the world, he went to a Celine Dion concert.

And there it is: I just glimpsed the Hell I get when I die. I'm going to have to stand next to Vitale at a Celine Dion concert for all eternity while he yells at me about how great it is. *shudder*


TAGSdick vitaleDOUCHEBAGSNCAA HOOPS

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