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SEAN SALMON GOT KNOCKED THE FUGGOUT

NICOLE VAIDISOVA’S CROTCH IS WARM, SAFE

By 01.26.07

I feel somewhat obligated to mention that there's tennis being played on a grand stage. Can't say I've really been paying attention, other than the usual recurring dream where Maria Sharapova is four inches shorter and has softer facial features and… well, the rest of that dream is personal.

Anyway, tennis. Andy Roddick got his quarterly ass-pounding from Roger Federer, and I'm not even sure why they even hold men's tennis matches any more. Federer and his beady pig-eyes win everything. I think he should be the next Bond villain.

In the women's bracket, Maria Sharapova — the real one, not the one from last night — will face unseeded boombastic Serena Williams in the final. Williams bested Nicole Vaidisova in the semis, which brings us to the whole point of this post: the big, thick snake headed directly for Vaidisova's shorts, courtesy Hog on Sports:

Don’t blame this snake for doing what only comes natural to reptiles – they instinctively seek out warm, moist places like hallowed [sic] out tree stumps, under rocks or Nicole Vaidisova’s shorts.

Couldn't have said it better myself. But take it from me: Do NOT try to hump a hollowed-out tree stump. There are ants in there.


TAGSMARIA SHARAPOVAROGER FEDERERSERENA WILLIAMSTENNIS

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