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JOE NAMATH: THE URINAL INTERVIEW

By / 02.02.07

Really, I was content enough to get a photo with Joe Namath, the man whose drunkenness inspired Kissing Suzy Kolber. Broadway Joe has lived life hard, and he has a pronounced stoop when he's sitting… and he's downright hunchbacked when he stands up. When I got the photo with him, he seemed shaky: a little confused; frail; an old man. The man who wanted to kiss Suzy on national TV was nowhere to be seen.

But Namath's still got that phenomenal swag, as I learned when we peed in urinals next to each other.

I was making a quick trip to the head before my long-delayed Sports Bloggers Live interview, when there he was, making the same turn into the men's room. Immediately some jackal lying in wait in the bathroom with a Sharpie and a football said, "Can I get a signature, Joe?" — to which he replied, "After," and signaled to the urinals. He chose the one side of the wall with only two urinals, and there were enough people on the adjacent wall's urinals that I could pee next to him without violating men's room etiquette. The conversation, as best as I can remember it, is recounted below.

Me: [unbuttoning fly] Long day, huh?

Super Bowl MVP Joe Namath: No, not yet.

Me: Oh.

[long pause]

Super Bowl MVP Joe Namath: You know, there ain't many things better in life than takin' a good whiz. 

Me: [laughing] Yeah… Maybe a good dump?

Super Bowl MVP Joe Namath: Well, I said there were some things that are better.

Annnnnnd… scene! No, I didn't look at his cock. Sorry, that's a line I just can't cross. And I guess I should have asked Joe Willie about all the hot tail Lil' Willie serviced in 1969, but we were done pissing. The moment had passed, like a delightful kidney stone.

UPDATE: I just remembered this part. Joe's reaction to the the motion-activated sink and paper towel dispenser: "It's like magic!" 


TOPICS#NFL
TAGSADVENTURES IN JOURNALISMFAT FUCKSJOE NAMATH

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