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CARON BUTLER HAS AN ORAL FIXATION

FBI INVESTIGATING ANTI-CHEER TERRORISTS

By 04.25.07

The FBI is investigating a series of threatening letters (link via S2N) sent to both national TV networks and their local affiliates.  The letters contained complaints about the amount of cheerleader shots shown during football games… and insecticide.

In a letter sent in September 2004, the author objects to the timing and angles of the shots captured by camera crews during sports events.  "We have asked nicely for them to respect us and all women, yet they refuse. They exploit innocent people, so we will too. When they start respecting us, we stop mailing these out," the letter reads.

Sounds to me like someone got dumped for being shitty in bed.  And good call on the insecticide, dipshit.  "Oh no, not a substance meant to kill insects. This might make me sneeze excessively, or cause a minor rash."

The author of a letter sent in December 2006 complains that networks unfairly favor more modestly dressed cheerleading squads. "For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation," the author wrote.

What the hell does that even mean?  Did this letter arrive via wormhole from a parallel dimension where everything is opposite?  Because then it might make some sense.  And also be really cool.  I thought wormholes were just something scientists made up to keep their funding from evaporating.


TAGSCHEERLEADERSDUMBASSESLERYN FRANCO

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