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OH THE HUMANITY!

By / 04.22.07

As mentioned yesterday, I was in the United Center for the Bulls victory over the Heat, but, rather than offer analysis of the play and strategy of the teams, I learned some much more important things on the West Side.

1. The Chicago Bulls Dance Team/Cheerleaders, the Luvabulls, have no redheads.  How is this possible?  The had a redhead last year.  One of these girls can't dye her hair?  I'd never know, and every squad needs an auburn-locked lass.

2. Biggie Bagel totally smoked the other two racers in the Dunkin' Donuts race on the Jumbotron.  Who says David Bluthenthal is the only Jewish player in the NBA?

3. DO NOT eat three Italian sausages with extra giardiniera when the only thing you've had for breakfast is two pots of coffee.  Bad things will happen.  Very bad things.

4. Shaq really doesn't seem that big when you see him from the last row of Section 327.

5. The Benny the Bull dirigible crashed into the seats behind the Miami Heat's bench during the fourth quarter, much to the ire of the fans sitting there because it became stuck, and they couldn't watch the Bulls squander a nine point lead even though Shaq and D-Wade were on the pine with five fouls.  When the UC staff disentangled the fallen airship, they moved it to the nearest tunnel.  However, it still blocked the view of the polite spectators who appeared to rain friendly greetings on the inflated bovine's handlers.  So, they finally and horribly deflated the mighty idol.  I cracked a  Hindenburg joke to the rabid Bulls fan next to me, but, although he could explain the NBA's complicated seeding system with extreme clarity, he had never heard of the Prussian blimp.  

Anyway, if you're interested in what took place on the court, see Foul Balls, and for an examination of Tyrus Thomas' brain see FreeDarko via Deadspin. -KD


TAGSADVENTURES IN JOURNALISMCHICAGO BULLSLOS ANGELES LAKERSNBA

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