Nick Swisher signed a new contract with the Oakland Athletics yesterday:
Swisher will earn $700,000 this year, $3.5 million in 2008, $5.3 million in 2009, $6.75 million in 2010 and $9 million in 2011. The club option is worth $10.25 million, with a $1 million buyout.
This looks a lot like my assistant editor contract if you replace the dollar signs with thimbles of Irish whiskey, and subtract many of the zeros. It appears the White Elephants are creating a core of young stars:
A youthful club of studs is important, but what's more important is that Chavez, Haren and Crosby follow Swisher's lead to create a stable of scorching Playmates for the discerning baseball fan to compare and contrast. Lovely Danielle's freckles have fashioned many a tawdry daydream for me, but a redhead would be nice. Mr. Crosby, I'm looking in your direction. I defended your lowly fantasy performance last year, so all you have to do is find a voluptuous auburn-locked lass and get into a few legal scrapes on the weekend shift. -KD
I want more like this!
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